An Apple a day kee...why hello there doctor

Despite my excessive Apple consumption (in both the fruit world & material world) I'm not a healthy gal.  I visited my doctor yesterday and he confirmed.  He ordered me to see my Rheumotologist because he might be seeing signs that lupus is boiling and, apparently, this is something that should be monitored more often than every 3 years.  Who knew.  He referred me to a dermatologist, as well, "to hit this [my acne/rash/redness/skin mountains] from both ends" and also a prescription for Zoloft though he has a feeling that by getting the Lupus under control (read: medicate me) might relieve a lot of this emotionalness and frustration.  Yeah, I started crying in the doctors office.

Embarrassing. 

I'm going to have to swallow my pride and let go of my ego if I want to get better.  I'm going to have to learn how to accept who I am today in order to be better tomorrow.  You just can't work with lies, they multiply like fruit flies.

Easier said than done but what isn't?

I've been eating okay, staying under 1000 calories (except for one day at 1300).  I didn't want to eat anymore last night but I couldn't push food out of my mind, so I settled for 50 cals of eggwhites and 5 saltine crackers, I counted 901 cals for yesterday.  I cringe when I enter food into my Lose It! app because 755 was so much better and I had fearful thought saying, Oh great, now I'm going to be HUGE tomorrow!  But reality hit me and rationalized that I'm still going to lose, I'm still improving.  It is me who makes that number magic but my body just lets me think all crazy-like and freak out and goes about it's business silently laughing at these delusions that I create that are completely off base to reality.

Whatever works.

I'm going to an Angels game tonight with my cousin!  I'm super excited, she's the one I go 3 1/2 hours up north to go visit.  Love her!  So excited!!  I have no idea what I'm going to wear though, which reminds me that I must. do. laundry.  I got as far as jeans... and there are like 13 more mountains of clothes to go.

Loathe. Laundry.

Loathe.

Anyhoodle, I'm also excited that I'm hanging out with my other cousin on Sunday.  We grew up together and have always had a special bond but grew apart.  She recently broke up with her boyfriend (who she lived with) so know she's back in civilization.

AND another design project!  My friends want me to do the Save The Dates for their wedding in August!  Hopefully I get to hang out with her next week.