Hopeful

I told myself to stop.  

I yelled it. 

Screamed it. 

Begged it.  

Before. 

During. 

And After.  I lost the battle and gained the pounds and inches and guilt. My body disobeyed me. It continued in the kitchen doing the imfamous Kitchen Lardbutto with fervor.  I'd like to use the excuse that I have to write an essay and I have succumbed to the essay anxiety that has plagued me time and essay again. But alas, it matters not what I blame, the shame is with me just the same.  I refuse to purge it by puke.  That was Wednesdays episode that I don't care to repeat.

What's done is done and in the past. Time defies me and moves forward, it, like my body, is not stopped or slowed by my continual pleas.  

Still I plead.  

I am nothing, if not persistent. 

My cousin is on her way with bottles of wine. To drink and drown our sorrows so that when they are remembered they will be muddied and even less appealing than they were before.  Drinking may not make problems disappear but a break to escape in a fuzzy daze of tipsy giggles and ridiculousness will suffice for tonight.

Tomorrow will be a new day. A day of productivity.  Essays will be written. Clothes will be washed.  My exercise DVD will be followed with renewed energy and enthusiasm.  Food will be ignored.  And all will be right with the world again because I have written so in my blog. And we all know Universe Magic reads my blogs and follows through accordingly. 

I'm going to be some sweet ass thinspo some day soon ladies.

And so will you.

Persist.

Resist.

Be Fit.