Odd Girl Out

I went to a family party last night.  I felt like a goddamn whale but then, when don't I feel like a goddamn whale? (The answer is never.)  For a fleeting moment I wanted to lie and plead explosive diarrhea with bloody cramps but, I'm afraid my family would have duct taped my cheeks together, slapped on a diaper and threw me in the car anyway; so I decided to show up with some dignity.

I smiled the night away, cringing on the inside when my Laguna Hills cousins would tell me how pretty or cute I was.  My cousin (who is in his 40's) (he's crazy, you should see him on the dancefloor-his moves can old be described as a force) asked me if I was dating anybody.  I said that I wasn't dating anybody at the moment, which is true but adding the phrase "at the moment" was a bit of a stretch of the truth.  (Mo-ment, Mo-nths, they're kind of similiar right?) It's not like I'm even turning down dates or passes at me (okay 1 but in months that's not exactly beating them off with a stick) (or a twig, at that).  He said he was shocked because I was so pretty that there would be no reason why a guy wouldn't want to date me.

He went on to tell me a story of this girl that was beautiful, a former beauty queen (of Alaska, which is barely a state if you ask me but whatever) and he was a young man just graduated from college with a rosy colored outlook at the world which granted him the confidence to ask out Beauty for a date.  She said yes!  And he was stoked but also surprised to learned that she rarely got asked out besides the occasional type-A personality because most guys were intimidated by her beauty.  He ended up dated the Beauty for a few months until one day he comes home to his apartment and she rearranged all the contents of the kitchen cupboards.  Apparently, the girl was nuts.

Thanks cousin, no really, I feel just wonderful about myself now.  Of course, the story was more for entertainment sake and not really calling me crazy or beautiful (he's just a little kookie like that-his stories usually have some crazy ingredient) but then there's that thought of ohmygawd, I exude nuttiness! What if I really am crazy! But I'm not that brand of insane, I was more of a detached girlfriend who cared too little about the relationship.  (Because I was too busy counting calories, assessing how my jeans were fitting and wondering what would be the most flattering angle when it was SexyTime.)

The boyfriend thing kind of stuck with me though.  I feel like I need to get one before everybody starts thinking I'm a lesbian.  (A little SexyTime would be nice too.) (For calorie burning purposes obviously...)  Mainly, I'm tired of being the odd girl out, everybody around me has boyfriends, all my family members and all of my friends... social gatherings are... lonely.