Le Sigh, Le Sigh & Sigh some more...

Today I have no obligations.  It's just me, free to do as I choose, my mom is gone to work (as per usual Monday through Fridays) and will be away for the entire weekend with her boyfriend.  It's 1:30 right now and I have done nothing.  

My thoughts are distracted by food; 

picking and choosing and mentally drooling, 

calculating calories, costs and consequences 

and meekly shooting each of these thoughts down with a sigh.  

I tell myself it will be worth it (with a sigh) 

I remind myself that my weight is 117.5 (with a sigh) 

and this number is too far from my goal (sigh) 

How I am making the right decision by not falling victim to these tempting thoughts

Remembering (with a sigh) last weekend when I had succumbed, spiraled and gained (sigh).  

The tipping point is watching the fight with my friends tomorrow. I'm a better person to be around when I'm not disappointed and hating myself for the actions of days prior.  

You're welcome friends, I will bring my happy face tomorrow when I see you.

Here I am 4 days of Anti-Solid Food Fasting at 117.5 pounds. I cannot help but imagine what magnificent, lower number the scale would have read should 3 consecutive days of bingeing had not occurred.  But alas, the past is done and present is here and all I have are my actions now to create a future present more to my liking than the one I am currently [sighing] in.

I will be strong today and continue this Anti-Solidness, tomorrow the number on the scale will be smaller and my smile will brighten that much more.