The Silver Lining the Dark Cloud

Day 3 success!  I weighed in at 117.5 this morning which I'm pretty happy about.  117 has been the lowest my scale has read but I did sustain this weight but I'm eager to see lower.  I'm continuing another day on the liquid fast and see what numbers turn up tomorrow.  I want to keep this up until Saturday then perhaps on Sunday I will eat something sensible and easy on the digestive track (I'll have to google this later).  I have heard that it can be really hard on your digestive system to eat very much after a fast and I definitely neeeeed to maintain whatever weightloss happens.


Yesterday my intake was basically the same as the previous day only with an added 100% Green Essentials drink from Trader Joe's.  If you want to drink something delicious and nutritious skip it because while nutritious, the drink was not delicious.  It basically taste like all it's green ingredients (celery, cucumbers, spinach, kale, etc.) I had to wash it down with a v8.


Bodywise, I'm still feeling nourished and fine.  I try and forget the past and think one drink at a time.  If I start thinking about all the things I could have eaten and haven't I start feel a craving for food, it's like stirring the food monster when he's asleep.  I just focus on my drink as my meal and think, wow, all these nutrients and protein to satisfy my body, I'm so not even hungry!  I'm gonna be so skinny!  On to class.

Lying to yourself works more often times than not.

In other news, I can feel some fever blisters stirring beneath the skin of my lip.  It's so depressing, I hate them.  It's so irritating because I just don't know wtf causes these mother effers!  I suppose it could be stress, I have yet to write anything for the essay whose rough draft is due in like 6 hours nor have I done the exercises for chapter 4 of the class that's in 1 hour.  I so fucked myself by going up north this weekend and not taking advantage of the time I had alone to do schoolwork.  I'm not happy with myself.

And the cherry on the pie is the disastrous state of my room.  Seriously, it makes me feel like shit to walk in there.  I hate that I accept this, this, doing nothing I'm so lazy.  Instead I focus my energies on reading blogs?  This is something I should be doing on FREE time, as in the excess time that I have after I get the important things done.  I always just think that I'll only read one or it'll just be a quick update post and then off I go reading all of them until they are no more and then click-click in google land, googling random shit that doesn't matter.

Where is my focus?  I have none.  Not for school or cleaning... I hate this about me.  I wish I was a different person sometimes but then I guess I would just be set up with a different package of weakness and an onslaught of new obstacles.

How did this post get so depressing?  I dropped like 4.5 pounds! I completed 3 days of liquids only! I'm onto my 4th day!

Now. I'm looking at you Homework.