3 decent days accompanied by 3 nights of bingery.
I'm not a fan of holidays, they are reminders of how alone I am. If people's lives were movies, I would be an extra, a featured guest at most. Everybody should be the leading lady in their own movie. And somewhere in that monologue that has run marathons through my mind all weekend is the Permission to Binge Clause.
The plan was only V-day to do the deed.
The plan failed.
I was not happy with myself on Friday night. I liquid fasted all day and then came the night, I went into it having the intention to just have a small something and stop. (Needless to say, I ran the stupid stop sign.) Sunday, again, I liquid fasted all day and at night just let the binge come to me. This last time it was at least calculated. I even made a trip to the store, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I got a sweet potato, a can of pure pumpkin and escaped without pizza or bread or chips or crackers or any of the other things that had my vision fog as I made my way through the aisles.
2 cans of pure pumpkin (with dried cranberries and walnuts)
2 boca burgers (with a fresh tomato)
1 big sweet potato (sliced and baked)
It was delish and my stomach has been on the brink of explosion for the past 2 hours and showing no signs of calming. Despite the sheer volume of food that I have consumed tonight, it is only half or a third of the calories from the previous 2 nights and double or triple satisfying as taste goes. The previous night was junk food. Empty calories. Tonight at least I got some nutrition in me.
I am deathly afraid of the scale at this point, I will liquid fast until I am 110 pounds. I really need to avoid it until like Wednesday or Thursday (Monday & Tuesday are out of the question!). On Saturday a babyshower will be had at my house, so that means I gotta look halfway decent but it also means there will be food. And my loving family will make sure that there are vegetables for me, I'm pretty sure I can avoid them. My treat on that day will be drank! (I'm looking forward to this) (I'm an alcoholic, don't judge.)
I wipe with Sarcasm and Words That I Make Up because I'm awesome and my words are better than Websters. (Yeah I said it. Suck it Webster!) I'm the Word Generating Mastah! Bwahahahahaaaaaaa!!! Truth isn't always pretty but who says it can't be somewhat mildly entertaining? (The premise of all reality TV. I rest my case. And I need a gavel cuz I'm The Decider and I decided I'm right.)
Mehh, everyone slips up, usually it's the night for me too, I don't know what changes but, something does and you feel the sudden need to eat food.
ReplyDeleteThe baby shower sounds nice, just try to enjoy yourself, I hope your okay, x.
evenings do suck. especially if you are feeling sad. you will rebound. just avoid the scale and keep in mind the weight you will be the next time you step on it.
ReplyDeleteOh and cheers from one alkie to another ;)
xoxo zen
With me, it seems that once i've binged once, i just keep on binging. It's so hard to stop. I wonder why it's so hard to stop binging, but so easy to stop restricting/fasting... Le sigh. If it makes you feel any better, a lot of us binged on Vday because we're either alone or left out by our significant other... You'll be back on track soon, dear. Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteseems like we all fall down at the same time! I had a week of excessive restricting and i was feeling thin and beautiful and then i majorly screwed myself and i ate way too many girl scout cookies. ew
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