Throw a Wrench In the Mix

Yesterday was good, the day before was okay but today, today just sucks (and it's only 4).

I had a field trip today and the purpose was to learn etiquette when dining at a business interview or anything business related.  This, of course, means food.  Calorie-laden, gluttonous food.  How can one meal be so many calories?  (I don't really know how many calories, I can only imagine the horror.)

Starting off with bread and butter, broccoli creme soup and a walnut, blue cheese salad my entree was vegetarian lasagna (with asparagus and mushrooms on the sides) and for dessert was a apple cobbler thingy with ice cream, I cannot stress to you ladies how much fat they packed into this sucker. I estimated my calories intake somewhere between 1000 and 1500 (closer to the latter, I'm sure... please god don't be more).

I can't enjoy food like this, the other girls laughed and joked about going straight to the gym and doing double time (okay, I did too but really all I could think of was if I could get this back out of me The Hard Way, if ya get my drift).  Food is not fun, food is not really enjoyable, it's fat and anxiety all rolled into one addicting package.  I hate that my body wants and needs food and I can't shut it up until it is appeased...and then my mind won't shut up, nagging and reminding me of numbers that are growing as I type (specifically, in the weight department).

I think it frustrates me even more that it all stays inside of me, that's right, lax me up good baby cuz since Sunday there's been no movement.

This field trip would have been great if food weren't involved, and there was no way to not eat, it would have been completely noticeable.

The horror. THE HOR-RAAAWRRR!!!

No opportunity to purge.

I'm so frustrated right now!  It's not like I can rewind time and take it all back, all I can do is move forward in this growing body and hope to turn the growing into shrinking.


Off to the next class.  I hope I don't break the chair when I sit down.