Yesterday was garage cleaning day, so on top of my already feeling (and let's face it BEing) fat, slothful and miserable, add Torture on top of it. If you are ever cleaning or moving or doing anything that basically revolves around manual labor and dirtiness with a chance of spiders you can most definitely count me out. It's worse than Chinese Water Torture to me (I haven't a clue of what this is but it was sounding like a fantastic alternative to cleaning the garage yesterday). Be sure that if I am there you will wish I wasn't with all my bitchy in both speak and body language.
I felt bad for my mom to have to be around me but I was surrounded in dirt and spiders and general messiness and this drowned out any hope there was of me even trying to pretend to be Not Absolutely Miserable. I came across some old pictures and among them there were my mom's old karate days, one picture even had her being flipped through the air while sparring.
My [dry&sarcastic] Self: Wow. That looks like a great time. Why don't you get into that again.
Mom (returning my sarcasm): Oh yeah, right, me at 50 years old being flipped through the air... yea my can handle that.
Me: I can't say that I wouldn't enjoy watching that in action. Flip! THAT'S what you get for making me clean the garage! Flip! AND THAT'S what you get for being a packrat!! Yeah, I think you should get back into that.
Mom: *Laughs and continues cleaning*
You know how they say that you're going to end up with a daughter worse than you were. Well, that's reason #1 why I'm not reproducing. 6-7 months sans period and I ain't worried about it. (Well, not really. Maybe just a smidgen.)
Among the many pictures that I came across where me in the past.
I'm fat and ugly. It made me want to give up and just say fuck it, why live, why try to be something you are not. You are lazy and worthless and fat and ugly, why are you living again? But it's not like I'm gonna commit suicide, my mom loves me too much (I'm an only child), she sees the world in me and I wish I could see myself through my mothers motherly blindness. So, I liquid fasted yesterday and I'm liquid fasting today.
At least I can do something (or not do something rather, as inaction seems to be my preference of living) about being fat.
Onward with the Liquid Fast!
i have lond since wrecked/shredded and set light to (got in ALOT of trouble for the that one) all photographic evidence of me pre 12 years and little photographs have been taken of me since i was and ugly child i am not that person anymore and i refuse to be reminded of her
ReplyDeleteyou arent a fat lazy person anymore (if you ever were) you hit a new low last week, see i have evidence !
x
chinse tortue method is letting drip drps of water on your head. drip drip drip drip
ReplyDeleteand it goes on and on ...u might lose your sanity but that is all ;)
I have also ripped up photos of me where I convinsed myself I looked fat in, I probably didn't, but, looking at them made me feel sick.
ReplyDeleteI hate spiders. just, everything about them.
I can't go near them, so I'd be useless trying to clear out a garage.
I hope your alright, x.
i'm such a photo ripper! I destroy them all! And worse, my family insists showing them to my husband at family gatherines ew!
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to liquid fast tomorrow! Such thinspiration to read you have the strength to do it!
i hate seeing old photos of me, i mean im fat and ugly now, but looking back to where i came from, it always makes me want to cry.
ReplyDeleteand that conversation with your mum reminded me so much of how me and my mum are. we say one thing, whereas in the head we're both shouting another lol
have a good day hun! x
I hate old photos of me too.. but for different reasons. I couldn't see how skinny i was back then, but when i look at them now, i see how bloody wonderful skinny i was, and i WASN'T EVEN TRYING TO BE. That's the part that frustrates me. Then somehow i gained weight, and now i try so hard to lose it. :/ Old pictures of my mom have the same effect on me. She was just barely 100 lbs when she graduated high school... AND NEVER CARED. Ugh. I'm beyond jealous.
ReplyDelete