Monday, June 27, 2011

Team Tortoise

Today is my 8th day yall. That, I believe, is a record for the year!

But I'm fat.

If you want something to play with go and find yourself a toy cuz the scale will tell it like it is, and It, ladies, it's Fatso Palooza. I eat healthy foods and I exercise so I'm not as Jiggly Gelaton that can be a tad more devastating at this weight. I'm trying this thing were you don't starve and go buck wild on some crazy diet where you end up eating a boatload of tastey chemicals with a slight aftertaste and zero calories.

Homie don't play that. *gets hit with sock* THIS TIME, I meant this time!

Cycle of Fuckery? Been there, done that. THIS TIME, I'm gonna try this thing that I've been hearing about on the podcasts I listen to. Where you actually eat real food and exercise. They make you eat a shitload of calories which is scary as shit but I'm desperate. I believe I have reached the point where my desperation to be healthy+fit+thin+not miserable & vomming has outweighed my desperation to be thin. I want the whole package! I'm going for the All-Around in this bitch!

I have actually been trying this for the past month or so, but I couldn't seem to make it past the weekend without getting cray-cray to the may-day in the kitchen, knowatamsayin'? It's not a flip the switch kind of thing really, I've really been working at this. The days of Fuckery may or may have definitely had to do with alcohol and hangovers. Funny thing that the Monday this streak started I was resolving not to drink for a while.


AND THEN! Come 40 minutes later I get invited to wine tasting for a birthday. The universe is mocking me. The universe got jokes and THEY'RE NOT FUNNY! YOU HEAR THAT, UNIVERSE! NOT! FUNNY!

I went, of course, but I lucked out that it was more of an extended lunch (I had salad, no dressing) and wine. 2 glasses and then some more hanging at the birthday girls house but there was no bingery. I drove home. Ergo, no hangover.

Lina - 1, Universe - .2 (I still went drinking... wine be thy cryptonite.)

Whatever the score, a win is a win. So I made it to and thru day 8. (Okay, thru-ING since technically the day is not over.) I'm desperate. DESPERATE! I want the package! I want it ALL! And if it's going to take longer for the whole package than I am rising to the challenge. A challenge it will be! (And is.) I've been eating in a fog of oblivion. Concentrating on revving my metabolism. I quit counting cals because seeing the numbers sends me flying of the moon. And the cow need not jump over the moon in this tale.

Who starts on a Friday? FRIDAY!? This girl. (I'm pointing at myself. I'm that girl.) Shit starts on Friday, counting shit. I'm gonna be eating a lot of calories but I'm pretty certain it's less than I have been eating in my Fog Of Oblivion, FOO, if you will. Reiterating the Flip Switch Tip, I didn't want this to be a drastic change, I eat healthy on the regular and I've slightly increased exercising. So counting is only added to the equation, not like I'm revamping the diet, same healthy foods...just more controlled in portions.

Slow and steady. Just cruisin', yeah I'm cruisin'. I'll be cruisin' to Skinny Street.

This past month has been a prep state. I talked about healthy food and exercise but I think we can all agree that there is more to weight loss than that. With the energy increase comes Getting Shit Done, long time readers may recall this to be the 2011 slogan. Not only am I keeping a non-pig stye-ish room but I'm taking it to the next step, I've been a little cleaner in all areas of the house. A clean kitchen makes preparing lunch so much less efforty. I've taken to prepping lunches on sunday. Preparation has helping me enter the day with a peace of mind that has me singing and speeding on the way to work. True story. I've also started taking a bunch of different vitamins to help my biochemistry.

I listen to a podcast of nutritionist and you not believe how lacking certain vitamins and minerals can make a person all crankypants or schizopants, among other undesirable traits that are largely factored into moods, energy, and junk. Mind blown. Every week. Little by little I'm tweaking life shit for the healthier and, by golly, Ferret Status is gonna happen!

Eventually. Slow and Steady.... Team Tortoise!

8 days, you guys. I'm serious this time!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Busy Bee!

Speaking of bees, my friends have an epic bee hive complete with like 5 or 6 rows of honeycombs! Like 500,000 bees the Bee Guy estimates. True story. I saw the picture! I heard the buzzing! I was there you guys. Bees really are busy just in case you ever doubted. And should you ever cross a naysayer you just tell them a stranger on the internet said it was true so it's legit. I mean, if the internets say so it must be true, right? Also, completely unrelated news; ignorance is blissful.

So I've been busy beeing and that's the buzz. I'm working full time now and then some. Viva la Overtime y viva dinero en el banco! Can I getta 'Amen!' (I'm just gonna take the liberty of pretending that you 'Amen'ed all enthusiastic-like and pumped your fist in the air a little since this is not live blogging.) I've decided to work full time and take the slow lane on the Education Highway. Who ever said money isn't happiness... prolly has some cuz like it may not be like the main ingredient in the Scambled Eggs of Life but you definitely need a pan to make that shit. Happiness is the pan. Lost you still? ....  Moving on.

I lied. Back to Lina Worker Bee cuttin on the Flushin'! We all know that the NomVom is my drug of... well, it's my drug. And if you've been reading this blog ever at all you know it's what I'm always muttering all hatey mchaterton style on the nomvom tip. Work and overtime are helping me in a roundabout kinda way to cut the drug. Hugs not drugs y'all. You heard it here first [today]. The overtime was sort of a double edge sword. On one hand I was working and not vomming, on the other hand I was exhausted and the LupusMonsters sleep was being disturbed. Waking monsters is Bad News Bears but then so's the NomVomMonster. Not the best of times, not the worst of times. Coasting. It's not like I could tell people that I'm killing myself at work to avoid NomVom. Plus, I'm pretty sure they don't read this blog and wouldn't know what the fuck I'm talking about when I say NomVom anyway. So there's that.

Lucky for me, I weathered the OT Storm with no need for doctors visits. I made money. I saved money (nomvoms ain't cheap). Win. Win. Well... I still had episodes but cutting down to 2-3 times a week is improvement from nearly everyday. And I'm happy to say that this week I worked 40 hours and I did not nomvom. There were festivities. There were fumbles; but I did not fall! I did not flush! The Wifey McWifeyPants' voice of reason and reminder of The Streak helped a lot today, I was considering The Drug. Win.

Not being consumed in ED is grrrrrr-ATE! (Tony the Tiger Point Pump!) I got stuff done! Normal people stuff! Dishes! Check. Brown Bagging Lunch! Check. The Dreaded laundry! Check. Haircut! Check. Oil Change! Check. Send iPhone to the doctors! Check. Hanging with Friends! Checkity Check! I think I really drove my point home, so I'm gonna spare anymore of my checks, let's just say I'm WIN-NING! Like Sheen. Minus the drugs. Double the Tigers Blood. Triple the Awesome!!! Quadruple the the exclamation points!!!! YEAH! LET'S CAPS LOCK THIS BITCH! CAPS LOCK AND POPPIN'!


Time for bed now for some Sheen Dreams featuring WIN-NING!