Friday, November 26, 2010

Thankgiving and Thanx4nuthin

So Thanksgiving is donezo and I'm oh so thankful that it is!

My Thanksgiving was okay. We had it at my mom's boyfriends house so, of course, being home alone and anxious that morning I nommed and vommed beforehand. Dinner portion was fine but then came Pumpkin Pie. And after that, the pumpkin bread. And then I was like fuck it and I had more and then some more of the spinach artichoke dip. We've already establish that I'm a stupid girl whose stupidity leads to gluttony and fat pants so I totes get it if you just yawned right now and what's to come will not be a shocker either.

After an hour long drive home the food had digested. At least up to the pie and the pumpkin bread. When I got home I nommed and vommed again. I told myself it was okay. It was the Nom & Vom to end the Nom & Voms of the year.

Today is day 1 of the next 36 to start forming healthy and skinny habits. Buckle down and get ferret. Today was protein packed! I did want to exercise and maybe I will still but Mother Nature gave me a gift today and the gift was Misery. I don't know the criterion that the bitch considers to be a "gift" but I'm pretty sure it's wildly different from my own. Mother Nature can just keep that shit for herself. I mean, WTF! I don't even want kids, my uterus is just a waste of space. (Obvy, the vagina stays. SOME lady bits are Good Times.) It was me, protein, a heating pad and my baby blanky today. No thank you Mother Nature, I'm not grateful for you. At. All. (today.)

So although I'm trying to be all RingInTheNewYearAllSexay I ate ALL DAY LONG TODAY! Horrible! But then I calculated and to my surprise... 1200 calories. Not bad!  1200 is high but acceptable for me, though I'd like to keep it under 1,000.

In other news, the Thanksgiving wine was AMAY-ZING!!! This last weekend my mom, my friend and I hit the wineries and discovered this gem of a recipe. The wine is put in a crockpot and kept warm with spices and stuff. Warm wine didn't sound delicious to me either when the wine guy (Phil) had recommended giving it a try. I almost passed! So glad I didn't. My mom duplicated the recipe for Thanksgiving so I was in warm wine heaven!

Sweet Wine Goodness makes for a happy girl!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Gobble Grumble

Today is Thanksgiving in the States. Dreadful day. It's basically a communal binge. The difference  between bingeing today and bingeing any other day is that today is socially acceptable. Before ED Thanksgiving was what it was and the word binge wasn't used very often. I guess I grew with the times.

An interesting day for us bulimics. If I play along, to be perceived as a normal binge I would have to tone down the binge and to truly binge I would leave observers disgusted and in awe of the gargantuan amounts of food that I could stuff inside my body.

I guess I should get ready for the awkward day ahead. I'm late but I could care less. I don't even want to go. I would totes pretend I practiced a religion that didn't celebrate holidays but then I'd have to keep it up all year and... well, fuck that.

I already binged and purged this morning from anxiety.

I'm disgusting.

Oh well. At least there'll be wine to go with my whine.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Breathing some fresher air

I think about writing posts all the time but the actual writing part? Ya-NO. (Did you all forget of my StatingTheObvious Skills? Ikr!? Yes, I'm that good.) So there have been changes in me since my last update. I'm working on a social life. I'm exercising. I'm a Vominatrix. (Oh wait, scratch that last one it falls into the "Same ole" category.) And I've learned how to curl my hair with my straightener. (Mad. Skillz. I gots them.)

Let's work backwards shall we? Forward motion is so not my style. And then an extra step back for fun. Remember when I was bragging about how the Himalayas had relocated to my face? Well, somehow they moved backed to their original location. Obviously, they left a few souvenirs to remember them by which I promptly try to hide with make-up. And it works! There's a big difference of trying and doing and bygolly I done the damn thang. I've gotten compliments on my face! I have a glow or something (Shoutout: Sheer Cover and the bronzer).

Well, this non-Himalayan replicating face did a little dance, made a little love and inspired me to do my hair! (cue: gasp) Except for the dancing and lovemaking part that last sentence is pretty much true. I saw a tutorial on how to curl my hair with my straighter and because I have Mad, Mad Skillz up in this Heezy (or something) I did it! And like.... people noticed? And like complimented me! Just before this display of Mad Skillz came into play I was starting to chat a little more to my classmates (the notasdumb ones) so yeah, it was a little easier to notice and compliment me. It wasn't like BLAOW! quiet girl did her hair! No. There was foreplay.

(I may or may not have had 2ish glasses of wine prior to the start of this post.)

Also, one day I was like "WTF. What. The. Fuck. I'm fucking huge. A whale/hippo/walrus/elephant/blob and impulse bought Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. I haven't been doing it like everyday and following the whole 30 day plan and junk but whatevs. I'm off my ass for 30 minutes a day WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?!?! And even with that I've seen improvement. I have some semblance of a waist again.

Another confidence booster? (Answer: Yes'm)

I've met a friend in class and we totally get along great. Like same sense of humor and all! She likes to be all active and like... do stuff.  Among them are things that I can deffo get behind such as wine drinking, wine drinking while studying, hiking, wine drinking while watching girly movies, and laughing at everything while drinking wine. So you can see the connection, yes?

She invited me out to a bar with her friends one night last week and I got a date! A real life date! At this point in my NONlove life the details are not even important! The smallest things matter. (Self-esteem: 5, Misery Bubble: 0) Like, little compliments here and there are like shockers to me. It took be by surprise at first, I thought I woke up to a world of mean sarcasm where a compliment means your fugly, like some weird spin-off of Mean Girls that was The Real Life Mean Boys of SoCal. After making friends, unhimalayafying my face, a few compliments, going out and people not hating me, displaying mad skillz, and a little movement, I'm thinking I'm not so bad? There's hope for me?

I'm only half joking. I know there is hope. I'm pretty sure I'm not that bad but with that comes effort. I feel like if I can look not ugly that I should put some effort everyday. I feel like if I can make friends then I should try. This clearly goes against my slothful ways. Does anyone else feel like the moon is spinning backwards? (Don't worry, I don't know what that means either ☺)

If I want change then I must change. I gotta work with what I have and that scares me. It's so much easier existing in the misery bubble, yet so much more rewarding to live in the real world. So I suppose I'm making the transition.

But I'm still a fucking Vominatrix of the Nom Division. Maybe one day I'll get promoted to Normal Appetite & Regular Digestion.

Oh well.