I was so determined to lose a couple pounds this week by being super duper healthy and keeping it low low low low low low.
(Cheater. Go back and read ALL the lows. Don't worry I'll wait.)
...
I was pumped! But come Monday I popped. Apparently I was too pumped and then I went around a sharp object or sharp thought or something and POP! NomVom. And again today. And tomorrow I'll keep it alright because I'll be at school all the dilly day long but then it's Friday again and I don't really know where I'm going with this but it doesn't feel hopeful. Which is not hopeful. And the glass of hope is half empty; And that's not hopeful, so I shake my fists to the ceiling, "TO HELL YOU!" I shout and punched the cup over so it's empty!* EMPTY! No more hope! Out with the hope!
But y'know what? I like fresh starts. So then I'll just start a fresh glass of hope and be hopeful that tomorrow and Friday and the days that follow the Glass of Hope will not waver! It will not dissipate! It will be full! So full of full that it will be like, "whoa man, this fullage is fulltastic." And then go into Phullanthropy and start filling other glasses until they're full and have lots of fulltastic fullgasms!
I could totes be a motivational speaker. Mad skills with speakage of the motivational flavah.
Too good, maybe. That glass is kind of intimidating now.... how's about I just know that tomorrow I'll be alright? Yeah, I think that plan sounds better. Tomorrow will be good. And that's it. And that's all.
(For now. I'm still lookin' atchew Ferret Status.)
*Disclaimer: No actual cups were hurt, broken, or psychology disturbed during the writing of this blog.
I wipe with Sarcasm and Words That I Make Up because I'm awesome and my words are better than Websters. (Yeah I said it. Suck it Webster!) I'm the Word Generating Mastah! Bwahahahahaaaaaaa!!! Truth isn't always pretty but who says it can't be somewhat mildly entertaining? (The premise of all reality TV. I rest my case. And I need a gavel cuz I'm The Decider and I decided I'm right.)
fulltastic fullgasms?!!!
ReplyDeletelmao
listen lady, you don't gotta hope...you just gotta plan. imagine in your head that your inner nomvom urge is like Yogi Bear and you gotta have your picnic without him stealing the basket, and puking your lunch up behind a bush.
draw up a map! schematics! a flow chart! outsmart him! I mean you! lol
I have faith in your Yogi thwarting skills.
You'd be a great motivational speaker! Good luck thwarting Yogi today :)
ReplyDelete*sends good vibes your way*
Haha, your post cracked me up xD
ReplyDeleteLove it! Stay strong sweetie x
Ow, it hurts! I can't stop laughing! You are evil!
ReplyDeleteFerret your way around the nomvom urge. You're more cunning than a pack of ferrets in a fox suit, you can outthink this shit!
xoxo!