"Acceptance says, True, this is my situation at the moment. I’ll look unblinkingly at the reality of it. But I’ll also open my hands to accept willingly whatever a loving Father sends me."
--Catherine Marshall
I'm not all Father, The Sun, and Holy Spirit or however that goes but I liked this quote. We all know that I'm not pleased with my current situation, but the reality of it is that it is my current situation. I've asked the blogiverse for a Time Machine numerous times to no avail. Either somebody is holding out of me or the shit just don't exist. So I guess I'm gonna just have to deal with life until somebody figures out that "sharing is caring" and they need to care about me, the asshole.
My big problem is I'm a thinker and not so much a doer. Good news tho! (For me, at least, notsomuch you-sorry) I have been managing to do little do's and cleaning up the edges of my withering life. Unwither spraying that shit so I can harvest and collect my coins. (Oh fuck, Kazehana you ruined my life with Farmville)
- My room is livable.
- I haven't purged in 7 days.
You would not believe how these two things are so amazing to me. These are two things that I have been enduring all summer. (Maybe even spring? Whatever.) To be able to sit in my room and not wanna fly the fuck off the handle is fantastic! It's far from the kitchen and I don't eat in here (though wine happens). It's been a big contributor to the 7 days that I've been sans the Vom Monster.
Another, even larger, contributing factor to the 7 Vom free days is my new Smoothtastic Diet. Sorry chickadees but it's no weightloss diet. The Smoothtastic is the Pureed Status of my food before I eat it. Smoothies, Soups.... blend, blend, blend in the Magic Bullet it goes! No chewing. For some odd reason there is no desire to Vom the smoothie/soup and it's filling. Though I do overindulge still (I'm a gluttonous cow-but a NONVOM gluttonous cow, at least). I blame the combination of it's deliciousness and my boredom.
I try to be sure to get in protein and nutrients in the smoothies and I plan on cutting down on the portions so I can actually lose. Also, I'm hoping a side affect will be the shrinkage of the stomach. But for now it's Mission: NonVom so that's where my focus mainly is.
Speaking of focus, I need one. Something to feel passionate about. Kazehana has been playing a part-time role of my Life Coach or something to help me with my "Existential Crisis's." Her diagnosis is basically that I don't participate in life, which, of course, is absolutely true. Her prescription is to find something I'm passionate about to get my heart pumping and want to dive right into life. I was hoping for something along these lines:
 |
| 'Cept in 3D and brainwashed to worship me. |
Right. So, if that doesn't happen (which we all know that IT WILL because the Universe is going to realize that "Sharing is caring" and that it cares about me so it will deliver me Mr. Sex-ay and we'll live passionately ever after on a vineyard in Italy with endless side salad of bliss and happiness.) I'll just have to distract myself with other passions in the mean time.
First, I'm going to have to find some passions. Passions that don't involve food, vomming, money, or ruining peoples lives. Because food makes me fat, I'm going to look like a damn frog with the way my glands are always swoll from vomming, I'm broke, and ruining peoples lives is just mean.
Any ideas? What are you passionate about?
Whoo I love Mr. Sexy Man! I could definitely get passionate about him!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the seven days free from vomming :) Keep it up! xoxo
I hate when I get all puffy and swollen from purging :( Urgh, that's exactly what it feel like- a frog.
ReplyDeleteCONGRATS! on not purging for an entire week <3
I know how hard that is and you should be so proud of yourself :)
-Becky
Congrats on the 7 days of vom free living! I have the same problem with finding something that I'm passionate about. Just the fact that I can't think of something that I love doing is a little scary...I need to get more involved in life and with other people.
ReplyDeleteMmmm, manman.
ReplyDeleteThat's absolutely so freaking terrifically great that you haven't purged, congratulations! Good luck in the week to come, and the week after that, etc. Because this is the start of something great and refreshing. The liquified food idea sounds like it's helping you mentally cope with not TECHNICALLY eating, so you're less inclined to purge. Great plan =]
xo
Victoria
I am so proud of you girl! 7 days w/o is AWESOME b/c purging blows chunks! Stay strong against it!
ReplyDeletePassions....hmmm. Well I am passionate about the gorgeous man you posted a picture of :)
I am also passionate about reducing obesity in America! I want to do something about it, write about it, Idk.. :)
Passion is something that *excites* you. So you like blogging, there's a start? I mean you've been blogging for awhile, right? That makes you creative, expressive, intelligent, interesting...
You can do anything, Flushed.
<3 Sar
I <3 existential crises! they're like the rubik's cubes of issues!
ReplyDeleteALSO, I had an sbsolutely BRILLIANT idea I forgot to tell you about. Gonna do some research then email you a detailed proposal of my plan. BECAUSE YOU LOVE MY PLANS.
And I'm sorry about Farmville. But you dragged me into It Girl, so we're even Stevens.
Holla, wifeysauce!
Grats on the doing! Or not doing purging!
ReplyDeleteI am not an expert on passion. Since gaining weight back, I find I have lost passion, even interest in most things. I'm trying to just force myself into a passion for fasting.
I hope you find yours.
<3 Eva
oh, farmville - I have withered strawberries taunting me....
ReplyDeletecongrats on not purging for 7 days! I know you can keep working on it and eventually be done with habitual purging - takes time, try to stay patient and hopeful
I'm searching for things to be passionate about in my life for me, right now I feel the only thing I do with enthusiasm is being a mom and working at being a better one.
I'm working on the time machine, I swear. But even my magical skills are no match for the laws of time....
ReplyDeleteI was once a farmville addict. It's a bit of a disaster now, as I'm sure you've seen--I set all my animals loose because I felt bad for caging them. :/
Congrats on not purging!! As for passions, you should explore some totally random hobbies. Like bird watching (it's seriously addicting--all you need is a bird feeder and an Audubon field guide). Hiking, too. The woods are perfect for an existential crisis!!
Congrats on 7 days vom-free!!!
ReplyDeleteFor a passion, I recommend mathematics. Have you ever downloaded a paper off of the math section of www.arXiv.org and used Wikipedia/the library/other papers/textbooks/whatever you could to understand every sentence of it before you move on to the next sentence? Didn't think so! Reading a math paper and learning from it is all-consuming and oh so exciting. Here's an easy starter: http://www.uvm.edu/~cdanfort/research/danforth-prl-stalk.pdf. One of the authors, Dr. Danforth, is the sexiest man in mathematics! Pictures: http://www.uvm.edu/~cdanfort/pictures/mar-08/Pages/16.html, http://www.uvm.edu/~cdanfort/pictures/oct-08/Pages/25.html, http://www.uvm.edu/~cdanfort/pictures/oct-08/Pages/26.html
*Does happy dance* One week Non-Vom! You fucking RULE!
ReplyDeleteHmm, why not try NaNoWriMo next month if you're feeling slightly masochistic? 50,000 words in 30 days XD
I love knitting, sewing, paining and just generally making things. Go on stumble and see what tickles your fancy. Who knows? You might just end up opening a brothel of really HAWT men and catering to the bored rich ladies and making a killing!
A week is something to be VERY proud of.
ReplyDeleteCongrats, darling.