Fuckery of the Mind

Most weekends go by without a hitch. This weekend was not one of those weekend. Emotions ran like wild horses through a war of indians and cowboys, all confused as fuck but free at the same time or are they? The world may never know.. Okay, maybe Dr. Dolittle, he might know. My Uncle came down from Utah to visit and miss him, I did. I've always admired him, intelligent and quick witted; a respectable man without trying. Of course, the rest of the fam bam was a missin' as well and, naturally, a cookout was in order. A cook at at Casa de Flushed. *Sigh*

For all of you who are not In The Know these are not few hour occasions, these are night they got here, breakfast to midnight snack events. We're mexicans, it's how we do. (I'm also fluent in hick y'all!) But because life is full of fun and fuckery, I have make up work from a class that I'm in danger of failing (dropping), regular homework, and a big speech due on Tuesday that I wanted to dedicate this weekend to. And did I?

Kinda.
...a little.
Whatever. :-\

Guess who managed to get most of the make-up work done? Me. Even went to Starbucks so I could concentrate on my studies. Yes, I was McNerdyPants in the corner with my nose all up in my textbook on a Saturday night while wine was flowing freely on the homefront. That's dedication y'all. I sacrificed! And I even got a Soy Green Tea Latte on the house for the McNerdyPantsishness. (I'd like to take this parenthesis to give a shoutout to the Universe for freeness of latte. I'm digging the generousity Universe, keep it coming. Hugs <3)

When I got home I bullshitted with my [drunken] Aunt and Mom and read my speech to them. It actually held their attention, so I'm thinking I'm on the right track. I'm pretty sure it's a good sign that I held two drunkanauts attention for 10 minutes without them... drunkanauting around.

Lina McNerdyPants - 2, Fuckery - 0.

So that's Saturday night. First half, I'm up 2 the Fuckery ain't got nuthin...until the last few seconds of the half and DUNK! That would be my iPhone taking a dip in the toilet. Back pocket dive, and the Fuckery hath it's foot in the door. The worst part was... I was completely sober. Where you at my wine scapegoat?!

The second half (Sunday) began with a brain dead phone. Oh sure, it still was down to wake me up at my regular 8 o'clock alarm time because the Fun of Fuckery Committee was sure to ensure the screen was shot to shit & not allow me to turn it off. Fuckery indeed. But there is a natural balance in life and the Universe made sure that there were Mimosas flowing before 10 am. My consumption of The Bubbly is what partially revived my iphone screen. I'm sure of it. It's at dim now. All half blind with astigmatisms but I'll take. Hang in there 3GS and COME ON IPHONE 5!!

And you wanna know what else The Bubbly did for me? Of course you do! Let me tell you! I got my taxes done and am getting money back! (More shoutouts to the Universe! You keep doing your HappyPants Dance my way! The freeness of things! The bank account deposits! Yes pah-leez!)

The Bubbly is what dreams are made of you guys. True story.

Of course, I got no schoolwork done today but... there was champagne and my favorite Uncle so... Stalemate. There was lots of visiting with the Fam Bam today. Why, oh why is it that I get so uncomfishly self conscious after all is said and done? It's the Fuckery of the Mind is what it is. Nobody shunned me as I spoke (not even when I bitched about politics), they laughed when I sassed, and there were no bad vibery happening... and yet, Fuckery of the Mind pops in all uninvited talking all kinds of negativity.

It says that the fam bam only tolerates me, and doesn't genuinely like me for me, only because of familial obligation. Blood. The Mind of Fuckery says I'm not fun or interesting to converse with... and so Fuckery forth. When the house is empty and I retire to my bed these thoughts of Mind Fuckery plague me. My mom adores me, she thinks I do well in social situations. She says that I come off as confident and self assured, that the Fam Bam likes it when I'm around. But I has doubts. Mind of Fuckery tells me I talked to much. Thumbs down to Chatty Pattyness. Mom disagrees, she loves it and is convinced (I'm convinced she convinces herself) that the fam bam loves the Chatty Pattyness too. Why is there a disconnect there? Why am I unable to believe what she is saying? My boss even pulled me in his office on Friday saying how well that I fit in with everybody and that he hears our banter and that I hold my own with the guys. But still, a disconnect. Why am I having a hard time accepting this? Believing it?

Mind Fuckery.

Fuckery of the Mind.

I need a Excorcism of these Fuckerish Demons that ail me. (I'm hoping the process includes champagne! *fingers crossed*)

There were more Fuckerishness going on this weekend by way of NomVoms and flakery with friends and simple things like laundry that I neglected. While I cannot say that I succeed this weekend, I cannot say that I failed either. It's a stalemate. Fuck it; I'll take it. There's room for growth and the Universe is snowballing in some good directions. I'm still hopeful for 2011. Cheers!