Friday was a total family day.
We took a trip to Costco after our extended lunch of talking and me playing with her baby whilst they gorged on fatty mexican food. I made sure to eat prior so that temptation wouldn't be an issue. (It worked) But after a 2 and half hour lunch and going to Costco, I wasn't immune to the samples...but I wasn't bad. The fact that my cousin had already eaten and wasn't tempted kept my feet on solid ground. When I got home I was HUNGRY, the sample snacking just wasn't cutting it. I had a small and light meal so that I would keep my cool at dinner time knowing that toast and eggplant parmesean was on the menu (vegetarian friendly).
Two glasses of wine later dinner was ready. Oh yeah, and bruschetta.
Well, it is and I hate myself. I'm pretty sure I ate my weight in bread and then on top of that the breaded eggplant and salad and [veggie]cheese and wine and wine and more bread and wine.
Family night means no purging. Plus, my mom knows about my bulimia, she would have known. She was already concerned when she saw how much I was eating. (You'd think that'd snapped me out of it) (Eff you wine! Blinding me so, and weakening my will)
So Saturday I stayed around 500 calories.
And then Sunday. Oh Sunday.
The scale had been hovering a bit at 17.5 (it rounds to the nearest half a pound) and yet there's picture evidence, I'm still fat as hell. It's not good enough. I won't be acceptable until at least 110.
I hate my body.
I'm an ugly.
But I won't give up.
I will be skinny.
I will be thin.
My life will get better.