Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Lightning & Puke

Tic-Tac...Two? Baby steps. Can't just be all toe-ing around without Tic Tacs. (I don't know what this means either. But I felt it MUST be said.) I'm trying to get back into the swing of blogging. Maybe if I just go through the motions and start typing something of substance will emerge? Whatever, let the word vomit commence!

I had a very unproductive day, as per usual, but I didn't like get struck by lightning or anything so that's––well, actually, that would be pretty cool! In so many ways.

It would mean that there was a thunderstorm today, and it's summer, so the coolness is multiplied by 9. It always smells cool after the rain, which I wouldn't be enjoying because I'd likely be in the hospital or dead but everyone else can, so that's good. I would be dead. (Whoa, heavy for you, but I'd be all sunshine and apples or something, so this is happy thoughts for me so smile.) OR I would be in the hospital getting flowers and balloons, and who doesn't love flowers and balloons? And I'd be a lightning struck person which I'm pretty sure would make me pretty darn special, and land me a few scholarships.

This weekend I might be going out of town with fam, kicking and screaming. I really don't want to go. I'm a fatass, and this is the [de]motivating force towards activity. My moms birthday weekend, that week, AND last weekend just killed. I still managed to purge everyday, but obviously not NEARLY enough. I was consuming nonstop junk food and purge UNfriendly foods.

It's wednesday now, third day of purge friendly foods. Going this weekend would just mean being a fatass, and I just cannot handle gaining, and I can't seem to escape the all or nothing mentality. Hopefully by body will get use to the grumbly tummy feeling of purging all this week, and the thought of keeping anything down will keep me from eating.

Healthy. :-/

Are Doritos purgefriendly?

I'm at a crossroads. I teeter and totter on the see-saw between caring and not. Apart of me says fuck it stay home and binge and purge all weekend, because it's what I want to do and fuck it, I'm fat anyway. I don't want anybody to see me, I'm hideous! And then there is the little part of me that says just go. I'll no doubt be uncomfortable of my fat hideousity but no doubt there will be some fun sprinkled in there too. And then, of course, the added comfort that when somebody asked what I did over the weekend I won't have to fabricate something or other to hide my ED and keep the creep factor low on the radar. I am very away that bingeing and purging weekend after weekend (*cough* day after day) and nothing else is not normal and a decent reason to think I am a completely creepy weirdo. Like I peep in people's windows or kick puppies or something.

Okay, weird, maybe, but I'm not a puppy kicker or peeping tom!


Mellon, how do I get ahold of you? You can gchat me at

(that goes for anybody too, I'm pretty friendly...and ridiculous.)

Emily, ummmmmmm.... I'm trying? I would certainly like to be a stable person, harder than it seems. Message me, we can hash this shit out together! Or just be ridiculous. I'm pretty versatile...

Sarah - by a thread. :-\  And several bottles of Wine and Fresca. And Flushing. (Pun intended.)

A Will Is A Way - I heart you :) Let skip in a field of sunflower and sing at the top of our lungs!
Rain, rain, go away! You're making me cray-cray! I want sunshine, I want rainbows. I want to fit in tiny clothes! Enough with depression. Enough with puke. I'm so sick and tired of you!

Peridot - I'll give Petville a try, and I'll send you a damn genie lamp! lol Play tetris and Farmville with me :) FV is lame, but oddly addicting. And then let's play leap frog at the lily pond!

1 comment:

  1. you have to go. just go. pretend to be 'normal.' pretend to be who you want to be for a bit. some of it you will find actually sticks. just consider it an exercise that you have to do, and don't think to hard. thinking is what makes us crazy (er).


(or e-mail: