Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Frustrated

I'm so irritated!

With myself.

Strange? Yes.  But absolutely true. I keep eating and eating (and eating and eating) and not even counting the calories. It's terrible.  When was the last time I restricted properly? When was the last time I looked at the amount of calories consumed for a day and felt a sense of pride?  When was the last time I stepped on the scale and wasn't absolutely terrified that the previous days intake would show?

Too long.


But the worst part of all of it is that I'm salivating at the thought of my mom making those cookies that are sitting on the counter.  Could I be anymore of a fat cow?  Well, yes, I suppose I could.  The one little itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny thing that I'm kinda sorta maybe a little bit proud of is that I've been doing jumping jacks.

It's hard to be an active participant in this community being such a Fatty McBloaterbutt.  When I read blogs of people that are getting skinnier, hardly eating and exercising like a beast I feel like a failure.  I feel lately like it's hopeless.

It's not though.  I need to be strong. I need to focus and find my skinny groove.  It's bikini season and that's...scary.

Must. Get. Skinny.

Sorry my blog sucks lately! Is it better that I keep posting suckiness or not posting at all? Hmmm....

8 comments:

  1. Keep posting ! I missed you. =]

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  2. it is always better to post and share with us your life !!! we all have ups and downs,sometimes it goes down doewn down and everyting seems to be just fine but then SUDDENLY something snaps and the scales rushes upwards like a freefall tower that seems to have no end.. but then again there comes a moment when you get back on track and the freefalltower stops getting up and goes down again...you will do it!:)

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  3. Uh, ok I confess... I blog about other crap in my life when I have been binging. It's time for me to fess up too. I'll make a post about it next. I am a closet Fatty McBloaterbutt. Who know how many more are out there, eh?
    xoxo zen

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  4. Tomorrow is a new day. Your doing great!! a friend told me this one time "don't be pushed by your failures be driven by your dreams" You are a strong person and I know you can do this if you put your mind to it! keep your head up and stay strong <3

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  5. it's not hopeless - & you're doing jumping jacks, which means you haven't given up - let's find that skinny track and get moving :)

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  6. Flushed! I miss your posts. Don't worry if they're not as inspiring. We all go through these moments. If we only recorded and posted our success and not our failures that would be a tad hypocritical. I know what you mean by just eating and eating. Not to scare you,but this went on for a month and I gained a whopping 15 pounds.

    I woke up though. Realized that this wasn't making me happy. It took awhile but I got back on track and I know you can too. Look how much you've accomplished. You can do this. I'm here to support you in any way. If you need someone to text during moments of crisis then just let me know.

    You. Can. Do. This.

    E.

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  7. I'm in the same situation, my dear. My only difference is that i blame my total failure on the man that loves me enough to make sure i eat. The thing is: he only cares that i eat once a day, and i do so very much more. And he really doesn't mind if i exercise, but i don't! Ugh. Let's get back on track together. We can do it; i know we can.

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