Sunday, May 2, 2010

Procrastinate Now! Don't put it off.

Essays are the work of the devil.  I'm [procrasting on] working on a compare and contrast essay right now.

I hate writing!
Essays.

(I like blogging.  I don't get graded for it!)

I'm pretty sure grades are also devils speak. I have a dream that one day I will get A's effortlessly.  School will be a tool and not work.

I also have a dream that one day I will be super duper skinny and beautiful and intelligent and funny and have a sparkling personality–a person who loves and is loved by all!! YES!

But I'm awake right now so I'm just stressin' essays and trying to keep my ass in this chair and not doing the Kitchen Dance.  Don't be deceived y'all I know you read dance and think. Burn calories! Flushed, you crazy foo! You crazy! Burning calories will get you closer to your goal of Super Duper Skinnydom!! BUT, oh contrare mon frare (just go with it) no good can come of anything involving The [dreaded] Kitchen because this Kitchen Dance only leads to empty cupboards, bloated belly and a miserable me.  Oh the irony in this thing Rain has dubbed the Kitchen Dance.

So I told you lovely ladies about Magenta being on a diet and me being able to contribute my dieting expertise.  Well, she is on this protein diet thing and I had read about this French Dukan Diet thing that I wanted to try because it's French so it must be good and glamorous, right?

Well.  So I tried it.  The Dukan Diet is a protein diet and I'm a vegetarian. (I see you. Stop shaking your head!)  That's right folks, it's been nothing but eggwhites, protein shakes, fat-free cottage cheese concoctions, greek yogurt concoctions, fat-free cheese (Trader Joe's has a fat-free feta cheese-WOOP! WOOP! Big Ups to TR!) ...and any other nearly fat-free dairy I could get my hungry little hands on!

Having Magenta around reeeeeally helped me stick with it! We didn't eat the same things but there was comfort and support.  And also, it stopped me from any out of control bingetastrophies or purgesodes.  (bee tee dubs, 5 weeks and a day since my last puke. toot-toot!) I could sort of see progress at first (keep in mind I'm hefferER than normal) but after a week of this I can see the diff in my body though I haven't set foot on the scale.  I'm terrified that I'm still above 120 (which in all honesty is probs the case *sad face*) but my jeans are fitting pretty comfortably...

But all in all this is way too expensive and oh my how I am completely full of shit. Constipation hurts.  And I miss my veggies and fruit and oatmeal... and saltines and rice cakes... le sigh, it will still be a bit before I incorporate those into me.  Today I had a lot of protein and had some vegetables for the first time in like 10 days! Tomorrow: more veggies! (I'm salivating at the thought.)

I'm hankering for something crunchy! Saltines and rice cakes are calling to me... the pears are screaming. I'm telling you the kitchen is dangerous ground!  But I'm staying in control! I'm so tired of being all Fatty Cakes.  The bikini's are coming! The bikini's are coming!! Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!

Oh yeah. I have to write an essay now.  Shoot. Me.
(Oh how I would love to procrastinate some more!)

...


...aaaaany minute now....

...yup....

...le sigh.

13 comments:

  1. Sounds like an interesting diet, this protein diet. It also sounds delectable. Except I have a hard time eating egg whites. I used to live off them, but I can't handle them anymore. Add the yolk and i'm gagging.

    So sorry about the essay nearly killing you. I started school last week...and I already have a test coming up. Yay. Grades are satan.

    Good luck

    xoxo

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  2. I hear you sistah. Presently, I have 7 days to write and learn off by heart three college essays. To say I'd rather eat off my own foot than start them today is not a slight exaggeration.
    I know I'll feel soooo much better when I actually shake a leg and get it done but it's so hard to not procrastinate!!!

    Good luck :)

    PS. Protein is sooooo the way to go. I eat 2 egg whites every morning (boiled or scrambled) and they fill me up for the whole morning!

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  3. Le sigh. I hate essays too. Good job on the protein! I may have to try that one day...is there a specific plan?

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  4. So exactly how far did you get with that ese?

    Bad mexican joke.

    Actually, did you ever finish?

    I'm a bad influence. Obviously. <3

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  5. Hi there,

    I've only just come across your blog in the past few days and I love it!!! I love the way you write you have a great sense of humour.

    :D

    violet x

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  6. Aww thanks! Yup I definitely did. I'm not ashamed to admit I even pined a little for you. I may have even checked your page in case of mysterious lack of updates on the Blogger Dashboard and then whimpered at the absence of posts...ahem.

    That diet sounds awful. Why so many diet cheese products? Sounds gross! Don't you like soy or TVP or anything? May I suggest the humble chickpea? Mmm hummus! Pulses will give you your protein but also help with those err, plumbing issues.

    xx

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  7. I am procrastinating right now, reading your blog instead of studying for my final exams.

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  8. Flushed! I forgot how fun your blog is to read! I love love that you're still writing and I'm happy your jeans fit comfortably. I've never tried a protein based diet, but I've seen a lot of people that had good results with it.

    Essays are the worst. If I end up in a class with more than one essay, I drop it right then and there.

    <3<3<3 Eva

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  9. Ugh. Bikinis.

    I have a wedding to go to in Florida.


    How awful

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  10. Hey hey hey
    where are you?

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  11. No Fuckn Way.
    I just read about the DuKan Diet Last week too..thats some freaky shit right there..
    Good to hear things are going dandy for you..:)
    Thanks for the email again..After just reading your blog youve down right made me want to blog again..so i think i will, if you have no objections that is??
    Hope you finished that devil essay you crazy foo x

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  12. HEY!! Where are you? I worry when you disappear.

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  13. I give you an A for you blogging, but I'm starting to deduct points for being absent

    please write again soon :)

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