Friday, March 19, 2010

Why hello there Aunt Flo, It's been awhile...

I started my period just now.  I haven't had it since maybe June or July?  I don't know how to feel about this.  There is the obvious reasons why not having it is cool (seriously, Mother Nature, what the hell where you thinking?) but also a sense of ED pride.  It's twisted but for some reason I liked that it wasn't there because it meant I was doing something right about living so wrong. 

(I'm not even gonna pretend that is supposed to make sense, it's just true feelings.  True feelings rarely make any sense.) 

(Or I'm just not articulate.) 

(Probably the latter.)

Another thought crossed my mind though.  Perhaps this shows a sign of my body being somewhat stable and kinda-sorta-in-a-way healthy then maybe, just MAYBE my body and metabolism isn't so far shot to shit and I could lose weight more easily.

Odd how only yesterday I was watching the Tyra Show about period, then there were some articles on it that I read yesterday and today then low and behold.  Red toilet paper.  How can you not believe in the Law of Attraction?  Things weasel their way into your mind/thoughts and POOF, suddenly they're reality.

Now, if I could only get myself to start think as a stick of a girl instead of a girl struggling to lose weight.    

Easier said than done.

In other news, I'm continually reading about diets (I'm so original, not ED-like at all...) and I watched Celebrity Fit Club for the first time today mainly because the Baywatch girl is 5'3" like I am so I was curious to see her physique and weightloss journey.  She's not doing so great with the weightloss but a thought crossed my mind as I was watching the show that I wanted to share.  She's shorter than the others and less overweight, in fact, at 130 lbs her BMI would be 23, which is in the normal range, unlike many of her costars that are clearly overweight.  It's easier to lose 4 pounds in a week when you are 40 pounds overweight! And taller!  I'm not saying it's easy for anybody to lose weight but there is a reason those last 5 to 10 pounds are harder to shed, it's because now you've cut out all the frivolous tendencies that you have, now it's time to really cut to the bare bones.

If you were to compare dieting to budgeting, it would be easier to save $100 each month if you were spending were already going on shopping sprees every week.  But what if you aren't a shopper and aren't the type to indulge in an $8 cup of burnt coffee every morning, how do you save $100 each month then?  Start bringing your lunch to work, take shorter showers, use coupons... you get where I'm going with this right? (Let's hope.)

My point is these people who are not even in the normal BMI weight range have so many more ways to cut calories and so much more weight to lose, they even burn more calories with the more they weigh.  I find it impressive when a person looks amazing in a bikini not when they've gone from obese to overweight. Big whoop. Guess what? You still overindulge.  That last 10-15 pounds is so much more impressive than all the rest in my eyes.

I want to be impressed with myself, I don't push myself nearly enough.  I still have 10-15 (even 20) pounds to lose before I can be impressed with myself.  I feel like I eat relatively good, as in compared to what the [overweight] people around me eat but when compared to thin  I'm a fatass.

I've got to change.  Spring is here and summer will smack me in the ass before I know it if I don't do something now.  I know we all say it a million times, the whole I need to change schpeel but I will continue to do so until it imbeds itself in my brain and these words turn into actions and translate into a SMOKING HOT BOD.

Until then... le sigh.

1 comment:

  1. Oh le sigh indeed

    If I were eating what I'm eating now and weighed 200 pounds, I'd be losing about 5 pounds a week! Instead I can barely shift a few hundred grams. Its very demotivating. To know how fucked your metabolism is, and that the only way to lose weight is to succumb to a miserable starving hell!

    I haven't had my period in over a year, but it's because I got a mirena IUD. It's totally awesome, but I kinda wish I could use the presence/absence of my period as a guage of how well I was starving! Sounds crazy... but it's how we are!



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