You don't need to punish yourself. You need to embrace who you are and stop comparing yourself to everyone around you. Equating beauty to happiness and a great personality is such a ridiculous notion. You are smarter than that, and I hate to see you delude yourself to such a crippling, self-loathing extent. I only know your personality, and I like it. What you look like is completely irrelevant.
Anyone who is any good for you would agree with me.
Posted by what if summer... to f l u s h e d at 21.12.09
I know this sounds like a daft question, but really what is so bad about getting fat? (I'd be FAT!! What do you mean, "what's so bad about it"!!) You're clearly terrified of it (with good reason! It's FAT.), but what difference would it make if you gained 10 lbs? (I'd be FAT. And ugly and my clothes would look gross(er) and I'd be big. YUCK!) Sure, it would change you physically, but would you be so shallow as to dictate your whole personality and enjoyment of life based on what you see in the mirror? (Yaa! -wait. that's sounds wrong-but but I live in California, the first thing people notice is how fat I am!-wait. That sounds kinda wrong too....I know people who aren't thin and it doesn't affect how much I like them....oh shoot. I probably shouldn't notice how much they weigh huh? That's judging. I judge. CASE IN POINT: SIZE MATTERS!!!) Would you let your waistline cripple your ability to function in a relationship? (This is getting bad....I do. I do let it cripple me. This comment is sooo mean! Ugh. She doesn't UNDERSTAND!!) You want to be smart and charming and have meaningful relationships, (Yes, yes I do....if only....thin and smart and charming and meaningful relationships, what a fantastic life that will be...) but what do any of those things have to do with what size pants you wear? (Aah Fuuuu....she's right. She's absolutely right, I can be all those things and they have no relationship to being thin. Not really anyway. I want to be thin because those things would be easier because I would feel all pretty and small and cute and confident-this is what she's getting at isn't it. My mind is warped in this thinking, my cousin gained some weight and she is confident and beautiful and charming and smart, she'd like to lose some pounds but she still seems to love her body. How does that work? Loving your body if it is not thin, if it does not look the way that you want it to? Acceptance. I must learn to accept it, then it wouldn't be like this. Then all those other things would come sooner but this mind warp is getting in the way of those things....she's so right and I hate it.) Getting old and losing youthful beauty/slimness is all part of life, (right. damnit, she's making way too much sense. All I want to be is thin!!) and the longer you focus on escaping it, the more of life you will leave un-lived. (...oh my gawd, I'm killing myself with this obsession with losing weight. I wasting my life focusing on one thing and making everything else in life dependent on it. She is so right and I make no sense. I need to hear this. I need to know this....but I'm still thinking that I want to be thin and then I'll listen....fuck.)
You don't need to punish yourself. (It's hurting me, I can see that but I still feel the NEED.) You need to embrace who you are and stop comparing yourself to everyone around you. (I do. I will, just let me get thin first. Just let me indulge in this eating disorder, it's keeping me sane....) Equating beauty to happiness and a great personality is such a ridiculous notion. (You don't understand it's the disorder! -wait, that's an excuse. If I can recognize it as disordered than I have a responsibility to change it, doing nothing and indulging would only further perpetuate this cycle that I'm so unhappy in. Seriously, I cried because I ate bread and feel so incredibly guilty and depressed over it that I think the only salvation would be to make myself puke it up and then I would be upset because I made myself puke instead of being healthy.) You are smarter than that, (I thought I was...posts like this are evidence to the contrary) and I hate to see you delude yourself to such a crippling, self-loathing extent. I only know your personality, and I like it. (How AWESOME is that! Woot! Woot!) What you look like is completely irrelevant. (Hmmmm......she's right.) (Again.)
Anyone who is any good for you would agree with me. (Right. Right. Right.)