Wednesday, December 23, 2009

My Body is my Business

60 degrees Farenheit is real cold, sorry Rain, come live in SoCal and you will be wearing bikini's in the winter time.

My focus lately has been nutrition and not weight loss, you know how I don't like setting myself up for failure?  I'm pretty sure "December" translates into swahili as, there is no way in heaven or in hell, let alone Earth, that you will lose weight and the harder you try the more you will gain so bend over and take it fatty!

Or something along those lines.

With all the stur-ESS that the last month and a half of each year comes with I resolved to not try and lose weight but maintain.

Maintain.  This word often escapes us disorder dieters because our minds tend to focus on losing and gaining, if we can't lose today by eating next to nothing and go as much as a few calories over all of a sudden those 3 calories turned all the rest into obesity and then fuckitalltohell I'll just eat everything and start over tomorrow with a better plan and some stronger will power! (not that I know...) And then act like it's the end of the world when we get on the scale the next day and the number is higher than the day before (shocker, right?) and we go through the rest of the day depressed or determined.  (preferably the latter)

Lose or gain.

Maintain!  We all know (and forget) that our body require energy (calories) to function daily and if this number is less than 1,000 than you are either nearly underweight [clinically] or really short (or both).  The reality of the situation is that if you are eating 800 calories and gaining weight that's probably a good sign that you've been starving body and it's piggy-banking every last calorie that it comes across until it can see that you have a steady income.

That's how I think of my body, like a business and calories like money. Organs are employees we must pay, they each have their own job (obvy) but some are more vital to our life than others. Our brain is the executive brain with our mind as the President of the company.  

I think of our hearts as the overall product produced, every business has a product, right?  Gotta have something to sell!  I think of our personalities as the marketing department. Fat is the build up of junk that we don't need (every been to a messy back room in a business and they have shit that's been in there for like 10 years? Yeah.)  Muscles are the upgrades, that fancy new copier that makes things easier for everybody (ever seen Office Space and the fax machine that pisses everybody off?  It's just irritating and you don't wanna deal with it!).

So we gotta pay the employees everyday so that continue to do their jobs and we have to keep morale up so that they are happy employees (think about how miserable it is to work with unhappy people who put you in an even worse mood.  What Bitch! It's not MY fault the fax machine jammed on your ass! Anybody whose worked in an office, I think, knows attitude spreads like wildfire and sometimes it's the little things that can set someone off.)

Calories are calories and money is money.  Feed you body junk food or healthy food-your shits gonna function but with feeding your body junk food this is hard on you digestive system, lowering their morale.  Sure, it's their job and it's doing but when you get a bunch of bitchy customers who make your day seem longer and harder than it needs to be, it puts you in a bad right?  It's one thing to deal with these customers every now and again, you laugh it off and go about your merry way but too much in a day...too much don't even want to go to work everyday and you'll probably do your job less efficiently and have a bad attitude.  If you feed your body healthy food, it's morale boosting!  You get a bunch of happy customers who are a joy to be with and your day flies by and you spread the merriment to everybody you come into contact with!

But no customers (food)...your employees (organs) are confused...perhaps it's just a little slow, let's start cleaning out that storage room that we've been neglecting!  And that goes swimmingly but the employees are bound to get bored... lowering morale and they're starting to get worried, what the hell is going on with management?    They cut back on marketing and extra supplies, they haven't been updating the equipment like they were....

Oh but management (our mind) is fantastic (eating disordered)!  They are on top of the world (happy to lose weight)!  They just bought themselves a new clothes with all the money they've been saving (upgrade marketing department!) by cutting the fat.  They've lowered the hourly rate of their employees (less calories) to keep them going and every now and again they'll give them a taste of what use to be (normal amount of calories) and perhaps a bonus (extra calories).  But the employees bank (fat) that shit! What if the company is going under (death)? Let's save up (store fat) because who knows when the next regular paycheck is gonna come in!  I need energy ($$) to work!

Pretty soon the employees are disgruntled (your organs are fucking up) and ready to go on strike if management doesn't take care of them.  Without your employees you don't have a company.  Management (your brain) panics and has a sale (enter: the binge)!  But your employees, despite having customer (remember: customers/food bring money/calories to your store and money/calories gives you energy) sure you threw a blowout sale and put money in our pockets but they were all bitchy ass holiday shoppers (junk food)!

And just think if you forced that you forcefully kicked out all the customers with their money ready to spend....the purge.  Bitchtastic organs.  But your organs are loyal employees (it takes a lot for them to quit/shutdown), throw them the least bit (work/energy/calories) and they will make of it what they can (keep functioning) but they will plan for the future and bank what they got (store fat).

Supply your employees (organs) with a steady stream of happy (healthy) customers (food) and they will have the energy to work just fine and won't complain about bonuses and such because at least their jobs are easy peasy and with all the new upgrades (muscle-exercise) helping them out.

There are two kinds of exercise (generally)-cardio and muscle building.  In the business world I translate this as new products (cardio builds up your heart muscles and releases endorphins) and upgrades in equipment (muscles help your organs function more easily).

When you starve your body and only do cardio, I think of this as those underpaid people that work for a company with a kickass product they are proud of- remember the Devil Wears Prada? Beautiful clothes, a job that "millions of girls would kill for" (or whatever-I'm not gonna look up the quote to do it verbatim).

When you starve your body and only do muscle building, you keep doing all these upgrades which makes jobs easier and less stressful but still your organs have little energy to do much else (so it's a good damn thing that their jobs are easier!)

Either way, exercise is good is necessary-the healthier the easier for your organs to work.  As eating disordered our management is corrupt-they are so focused at cutting the fact that we forget about the little people (our organs-we need them!) and when we let "management" go to far our employees revolt or worse-quit (shutdown...and we need ALL our employees).

Me, personally, I try to bring only happy customers (healthy food) and stay a little upgraded (push-ups/sit-ups/lunges) and throw in a new product (cardio-softball, haha-what? running to first base a couple times counts!!) so that my employees (organs) stay focus (functioning) and don't freak (store fat) with the fact that they are a bit underpaid (calorie restrict).

So, this is more or less how I think.

(I'm not really that good at articulating to the full extent-running a business/our bodies is intricate and more complex but I'm not a business owner or a medical doctor...or even a good and articulate writer, so this explanation is what I got for you.)

You're confused aren't you?
I probably failed in explaining this properly (properly-is the way it makes sense to me for it to make sense to you) but maybe at least one of you got something out of it, so I'll just hope for that.



(How the hell did I get on such a tangent?! MAINTAIN was the topic.)

Tangents- 9,437,520,493 gad-jillion.
Flushed - 1

(I'm giving myself a point for try to get back on topic)

So, I planned on maintaining for the rest of the year

(remember December in swahili? ...yeah, and I don't even take/do drugs... I probably should lie about that huh? Oh well, honest is how I roll.)

and I've basically been going (Day 13-no puke! Ha-Ay!) of the no lose/no gain-maintain attitude.  (I'm not saying I didn't freak out a bit but I really tried to stay with the bigger picture and not disgruntle my organs)

On Fat-mas I will try to stick with the same no gain/no lose, just maintain attitude (preferably sans freakout) but not without be a smidgen prepared with a plan.

First off, in the morning I will eat a protein packed breakfast (eggwhites and maybe edamame).  I'm not the kind that can skip a meal-it will lead to a binge.  Try and be pretty, seriously, it makes such a difference in myself that I leave the house feeling cute and confident, it sets the mood for the rest of the day, especially if I've already had a good breakfast, a little exercise which makes me feel all in control and good to go!

Off to myMosa my aunts house. (hell yes I'm drinking-they don't call 'em "spirits" for nothing! I'm a happy drunk, so alcohol is good for me. I'm convinced.)

I will come prepared with gum, diet pills, floss/toothbrush/mouthwash (no, I'm not planning on purging but with a clean mouth I feel less likely to eat) and my aunt asked me to bring a salad.  That's the beauty of my family-they all accept that I'm fucked up "healthy" with food so they don't pressure me to eat this or that, in fact, they pretty much know that I don't want it and that I will likely not eat (I do usually eat something healthy and satiating before I go somewhere december-ish) or eat something completely different (when we gather at my house, which is typical, I make myself some of my own food).

I'm going to try to ignore the sweets as best as possible.  See it and dismiss it, like it's just a decoration or something.  When I dwell on it and imagine how good it is and I can't have it and all that, it takes shots at my control and will power with each passing thought.  So just don't think about it, it's plastic and non-edible and whatever I have a delishus mimosa in my hand that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy-like and love my cooky little family.

And I wont stay out late because I have to wake up early and drive up north to go to my aunts renewing of the wedding vowels and I have to be all rested and ready to roll!  And look as pretty as I can in my little black dress!

How cute is it that I asked my mom to help me find a dress to wear and she was like, well you should get a fitted dress to show off your figure (I'm curvy-bony through my shoulders/chest, narrow waist compared to hips, flattish tummy, BIG FAT hips, a wide, fat butt, thick/fat thighs and skinny calves and ankles) (I hate it, anybody want to trade hips and thighs? Call me.).  My mom likes to dress me all skimpy sometimes (not tastelessly so, but y'know, cover up but don't hide- all you're-24-and-should-flaunt-what-you-got kind of way).

And now I will post which will make it even more confusing because I will not reread what NEEDS to be reread and clarified.  Sorry.

Are you still here?

Hopefully one made it.... just one.


  1. Haha love you Flushed. A little confusing but your enthusiasm is adorable. I bet you will look great in your dress. How old are you btw? 24?? really? I am 23..don't these years kinda suck? lol. Thanks for your comment too...last night I was so mad at myself. Now I am sitting here with wine and feeling slightly more in control of the situation.

    Take care, happy holidays : )


  2. Your business metaphor seriously made perfect sense. Maybe I'm on drugs too.
    I should probably join you with eating healthy stuff, since I've been mindlessly inhaling a bunch of crap ever since it started getting cold. I'm a SoCal girl myself, so I hear ya with the 60 degrees thing. Fucking lame as shit.

    And of course, if you're a happy drunk then alcohol is clearly good for you!


  3. WOW!!! ok I think it made sense, well to me at least. I get the whole work analogy thing with the body... Honestly, I know I should be treating myself better.. I sometimes get scared I've been hurting myself with restricting, but it's better than when I was Mia 5 or 6 times a day I feel.. I think that for the new year I'm going to start taking daily vitamins! (they are just so expensive!) and treating my body a little better. Restricting, but only eating good for me foods!
    Oh and I'm from Northern Ohio.. and I still think 60 is cold! HA HA HA! I spend a lot of time in South Carolina/Georgia, so I've grown up HATING the cold. I get shivers on what people call "warm" days around here.
    Just yesterday I saw a guy in shorts at the store... it was SNOWING! WTF. I'd love to come to SoCal with U! I need warmed to my bones!

  4. Thank you for this :) I think its a better way to think for sure. We can't live off nothing as much as some of us may think/want. I learned that slow and steady is the best way to go, and it works because its easier for me to maintain my weight

  5. loved the business/body thing it made so much sense

    and no way i dont wear bikinis im the one still in a jumper wonderin why all these people are half naked maybe i could come in summer and actually be warm enough to take my jumper off and maybe leave the house with out a brolly for the first time in forever (you can never gurantee no rain here)

    wow i really need to move lol

    your body shape sounds really similar to mine except i have no curves on chest in only it were possible to the fat from thighs onto boobs life would be great

  6. Read the whole thing. Made perfect sense. :)
    I love your style of writing.

  7. I love your translation of december and your comparason of the body to a workplace. It's way too true and made perfect sense.
    Lol. "Alcohol is good for me. I'm convinced." Enough said. You've got me convinced too ;)

  8. I LOVE the business analogy! It's so well put...I love it. I wish my mind was like yours ;) I would love it so much if you looked at my blog sometime ;)



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