Friday, December 4, 2009

I'm all kinds of stressed and I don't know how to quit it.  I'm stressed out, anxious and worried about everything on the face of the planet.

Correction: I'm stressed out, anxious and worried about everything on the face of the planet that directly concerns me

I think everybody in my family is contaminated with Control Freak Syndrome.  They are all so concerned with helping and fixing other people, it's commendable, don't get me wrong but a person has to want to help themselves.  It's concern.  My cousin tries and has tried repeatedly to help her brother who is in and out of prison (mostly in, notsomuch out) and now again he's back in the environment that influenced the behavior that puts in that 8x8.  

My mom raised her.  

My mom, who is beyond anxious for her husband to get a job.  I could be far off base here with my little theory but when you want to let somebody know about xyz company hiring, the first thing out of your mouth probably shouldn't be, "I know it's a touchy subject but is Hubs looking for a job?" and the answer is less than enthusiastic "....No." They might not want to hear whatever it is you have to say about that and I'm guessing that they might feel a bit failurish.  Maybe a simple, "I hear xyz company is hiring" and move on, throw it out and reel it in, if she's interested she'll bite if not get her mind off of it and move on, she'll forget about it.

It's not that I don't care about these people, of course I do, I love them.  I do feel that it's their issue, not mine so I should butt out of it.  They are smart people, they know their situation and they know what they need to do to change it.  Let them know about something I hear about that they may be interested in? Sure, throw it out and leave it, if they want it they'll take it.  I did my part.

In other news, my blood may or may not be made of ice.

And on to more important things on this planet. 


I'm StressBucket of Bulimic Behavior.  

Pass my classes.
Get into classes.
Pay Bills.
Get Unemployment Insurance back.
Survive the holidays.
Lose Weight.
Don't gain weight.
Don't fall apart.
Don't fall apart.
Don't fall apart.

Can somebody tell the world to just stop already so I can--take a vacation!

Gloria Gaynor & The Little Engine that Could are my new mantras.

I Will Survive!
I think I can, I think I can!


  1. There's a song by Superchick that I think of everytime I feel this way. AND NOW YOU GET LYRICS because I just read through them to find the exact quote I wanted to give you and yeah...thought of you for all of it XD

    It's been one of those days for a lot of days now
    I need a day when the world can take care of itself
    This isn't what I wanted how I thought my life would turn out
    And I wonder if it's like this from here on out
    Sometimes life gets you, but we go on
    Sometimes life gets you, we're still going on
    We're not done yet
    Not going quietly into the night, not me and my friends
    We're not done yet, don't take it too seriously
    It's just life will win in the end
    And we walk on and on and on and we walk on and on

    It's been one of those days for too many days now
    I did a thing that I didn't want to do again
    I fell down in the place where I always fall down and I wanna give up
    And let it be what it's been
    Sometimes life gets you, but we go one
    Sometimes life gets you we're still going on...

    That's like...the first half of it?
    It's called "Not Done Yet" and is totally worth it. It's my "NO MORE BINGE" song XD

    My dad had a huge problem with this--the helping people thing. I call it Superman Syndrome. He nearly fucked over his whole life trying to help my mom's family. I've gotten really cold because of it. I help whoever needs it, but there comes a point when I tell people, "Either you do it, and I'll be there to support you, or it's done." I very rarely leave people behind, and I don't let their problems affect me. I'm always willing to help people who need it, but I only put myself out there for those who are really trying, and who I can see are actually fighting to do what they need to.

    It's a brutal form of honesty. The best assistance can't be a, "I know it's a touchy subject" and "Maybe you shouldn't be there..." but a, "Stop being such a lazy bastard. I know it's hard to find a job, but stop complaining and just look. It's not going to get better sitting here and whining."

    People have become too soft in their support. Every now and then, we need to give in to that urge to smack someone on the back of the head, but do it because you love them. You know?

    And don't take their problems onto yourself. You're suffering from it too, I think, that's why you feel anxious. You want to save them all, and you can't, and you know it, and it hurts. I run out my anxiety, you know? When it gets bad, I go to the gym, and i get on that treadmill, and I run until I can't breathe, and I'm ready to throw up. Like I'm trying to outrace it. And by the time it's over, I'm too tired to really notice it anymore. You can't be so stressed if you're that exhausted.

    I'm sorry your bullemia is out of control, love. If you need help, or if you need someone to talk to, I could give you a way to get a hold of me or something outside of here. I want you to be okay, and I guess I just feel worried because of the superman thing. I got myself into some nasty shit in the past over it. So I don't want yout o mimic it either.

    ♥ Like I said, if you need someone to talk to, or maybe to help you out when you feel the need to binge/purge and talk you down from it, let me know. I'm up at all cockeyed hours of the night.

  2. Ah the every day struggle to survive. It's fucked. I mean, it's fucked when the world revolves smoothly around us, it's AMAZINGLY fucked when we are confronted by actual real world problems.

    I absolutely fail at stress. I think I am so emotionally brittle now that any little threat to my unstable psyche sends me completely off-balance.

    But sounds like you're battling pretty well, and your heart&mind are in the right place. We may not be 110 by Christmas, but we are going to damn well SURVIVE til Christmas and that's a pretty major accomplishment :)


  3. Surviving christmas stresses everyone out. This may or may not help, but just remember that you are not alone and you'll get through it. Take a deep breath, relax a bit. It'll all be ok.

  4. Take time to breath and think. Thats what I have to do when I get huge spouts of anxiety/stress. You can take control over yourself though. I'm sorry you have to deal with so much control issues within the family. :( We're here for you to help you survive.

    I know you can
    I know you can

  5. You'll survive, dear!
    Keep your chin up and things will work themselves out.

  6. hey, noone said it would be easy babe. just hang in there.
    just stop and breathe for a second. always helps me. i hope everything works out babe.


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