Hi y'all! (apparently I'm a hick today.) (just go with it)
Want to play a game called Guess Who's a Big Fat Failure?
Me neither.
And I don't want to play Where's Fatso? either, so don't ask.
Well, now that we have that all cleared up I wanted to update you all on what is new in my life!
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing and since there is nothing new to tell, I'll just regurgitate the usual. I am suppose to be writing an essay right now and being the Skilled Slacker that I am, I'm blogging instead. It's not the best use of my time tonight (obvy, writing a kick-ass essay would be) but it's a step up from eating (read: bingeing) and purging. Though, in all honesty, this is precisely what I would be doing if my cousin would just leave already. Don't get me wrong, I love the dear girl to pieces; but this dance of disgust is a solo affair. Some may say it's a good thing, but my stress level, sidelong glances towards the kitchen and carbacious cravings beg to differ.
I want that calm. As the minutes roll by I am getting more and more anxious. I feel bat-shit-crazy stirring inside me. Or perhaps that is my vegetable food baby floating in diet cherry 7up? Either way. I want to blow.
I wipe with Sarcasm and Words That I Make Up because I'm awesome and my words are better than Websters. (Yeah I said it. Suck it Webster!) I'm the Word Generating Mastah! Bwahahahahaaaaaaa!!! Truth isn't always pretty but who says it can't be somewhat mildly entertaining? (The premise of all reality TV. I rest my case. And I need a gavel cuz I'm The Decider and I decided I'm right.)
You make me smile. :) <3
ReplyDeleteI'm great at Where's Fatso! I find her every single day! I rock!
ReplyDeleteI wish I weren't so good at that game, I don't want to have to find her anymore!
Just letting you know, I think I may be stealing bat-shit-crazy from you, it's just too good :) I think Dan Savage (best sex advice columnist EVER, or maybe just the only one) uses it as well? Idk, but FUNNYLALALA!!
ReplyDeleteDon't let the binge monkeys get you. I'm pulling for you. Your mia-free streaks were impressive and I know they're still in you!
xoRoseox
Don't let the binge monster get you! You can do this, I know you can. You just have to want it bad enough. I think that's why I mess up- because I'm just not wanting it badly enough. So I'm trying to work on that :)
ReplyDeleteYou're awesome, never forget that.
How about pin-the-hoover-round-on-the-lard-ass? Or maybe "Find which roll ate the hoola hoop"?
ReplyDeleteI'm great at those. It's always the silly boob roll! Silly fat, always nomming on my hoops!
by the way, I LOVE YOU.
Remember, doll face, DOWN DAY! And we all love our families, but it's like being REALLY HORNY and being interrupted during masturbation while having to talk to your mother. You don't really wish she'd die...you just wish she'd like, go away for like...twenty minutes, so you can get it out of your system. SOmetimes, the body is a cruel mistress! Especially, as you called it, purging IS a reverse orgasm.
REVERSE ORGASMS, AHOY!
Awww. I love you, even though you're going through a bit of a rough time. I love you bunches.
ReplyDeleteOh I know that feeling. Being alone is never good 'cause I get lonely and I'll b/p. But when people are around I get that rising anxiety and I just want them to leave so I can get on with my weird-ass eating habits. Mad.
ReplyDeleteDon't purge. You can do it. You have done it. Don't fall back into old habits. If you binge, don't purge! It's the purging that traps you. Come straight on here and write blabbity blab blab, anything to keep your mind off it. x