Bread-aholic

I am a self professed breadaholic, however when you couple that with bulimia...Bad News Bears yall.  In my efforts to sans the purge I pretty much stay away from the stuff at all costs (some like chocolate...I likes the bread).  Or, at least, keep it out of the house and consider it a treat when I'm cornered into going out to dinner.

Ever since Vegas, I have been eating like a hippo in heat. (Don't ask me where I get these things, I'm a habitual blog vomiter.)  This morning I pretty much ate everything I could get my hands off ending with a piece of naan bread with some spray butter and sprinkle cheese.  For the first time since Vegas I actually feel satiated, no that nagging still hungry.

Apparently, one needs some whole grains.

Who knew.

Though my body is not crying out for more my mind is heavy with guilt and regret of this mornings little binge episode.  I'm hoping that in the long run, it will be better for me.  In other words, I will be able to restrict!  I keep eating and eating and the hunger is still there and I have this idea that this one this is what is going to get me satiated and I keep eating this same thing to no avail.

What's the definition of stupid again?  Well, I was stuck on stupid, repeating the same behavior in hopes of a different outcome.  I do this often, I get stuck on one food or substance when I find it works and I go back to it more and more and pretty soon I forget about what I normally eat and this road leads to the same destination that I visited this morning Binge Boulevard of Broken Dreams.  I always end up on this street when I deprive my body of a certain food and with mind set on wanting to be healthy and skinny they just won't allow me to go on comfortably lacking nutrition in my body.

I'm still anxious about what's to come in the day before me.  Court, my design, my classes....my body.

Le sigh.

Things have got to work out!  They just have to.  They just have to.

Everything will be okay.

 Because it must.