Proofreading is Overrated (read: I lie to myself all the time)

When I was looking at the upcoming assignments/homework for the week ahead of me, I thought it was fairly simple: read this, write that, study, math...no probs.

I've sat on my ass ALL weekend and ate and tried to do homework (thinking about doing it is trying in my book) and when I would try to start it, I was and continue to be completely blank.  Priority one would be writing an autobiography and read & do the exercises in chapter two of our text book.  The reading I actually don't have a problem with but the exercises and the autobiography?

Blinking cursor anybody?

I struggle to write about myself, especially because I had the same teacher last semester and she had us do the exact same assignment and wants us to do it again and I've already written about my little Lupus shpeel so I'm typed out.  In theory, I actually like the idea very much but when it comes to writing about myself I struggle (blogging is different, you're not grading me) (I hope.)  I wish I was interesting and had some awesome story to tell or anything to tell for that matter.  She's already heard what I got, I gotta live more!

The class is a guidance career class that really focuses on finding out who we are, the books is interesting and motivating it talks about positive attitude and how it correlates with success and things of that nature, which I'm sure many of you realize at this point that it's right up my alley.  But the exercises are so personal and I get embarrassed to write the answers.  Whatever the phobia is for intense fear of judgement I'm pretty sure I have it.

I need to face this fear I have and that is why I really value this course but every week, chapter by chapter I'm sure I will be forced to look in the proverbial mirror and face my fears.  As the assignments keep coming I'm sure that it will get easier and by the end of the class (or *fingers crossed* sooner) I will get rid of this ridiculous phobia and, dare I say it, be a more confident me!  I'm really looking forward to this class because of these reason (and my teacher is amazing).

But that still doesn't help me write an autobiography.  In my English class we read an article on writing a shitty first draft, basically, write a shitty first draft to get everything out of your system without regard to judgements or anything because your eyes are the only ones that will read it and, in theory, somewhere in this draft will be a diamond in the rough that you can polish into a gem of a paper and marry it or something.

Remember that intensefearofjudgementphobia I was telling you about?  I can't even bring MYSELF to read my own writings and ramblings because, I dunno, I sound like a dumbass most of the time (well, you know this, you read my blog!), it's nonsensical and elementary or at least that's what I imagine it to be because I can't even bring myself to read most of it.

I suppose the theme of this semester is fear-facing since I'm taking both, an english course and this guidance course...oh yeah, and psychology to wrap up 'finding ones self' with a pretty little bow.  If I make it through this semester alive and decent gradeworthy I will be Flushed version 3.0- smart as a whip, witty as a whistle, charismatic, confident and a new sleek & thin design!!

Let's all hope.

I like how I'm blogging when I could be a post closer to being done and having a better nights sleep.  I can see tomorrow now: wake up early, all Sally Stressball, frantically banging it out on the laptop, chugging coffee like I'm a fratboy at a kegger.


Crap.