Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Once upon a Vegas weekend...

Nevermind.  No juicy stories.  Just bullets.

Things I learned this weekend.

  • Taxi drivers are not as helpful after they find out that you've puked in their cab.
  • It cost $40 more for said puke.
  • A person near death from alcohol poisoning will not eat a banana.
  • Logic is not applicable when severely panicky and frustrated over a lost iPhone.
  • The Apple Store will let you use their iPhones and internet.  They open at 10 on Sundays but are there at 8:30 doing inventory and cleaning.
  • Losing phones is contagious. (3 stories.  2 good samaritans (<--I like this word.) and 1 lost iPhone. Sad face.)
  • Casinos will not use their security cams for an iPhone, even if you carefully explain how it is a part of your soul and later threaten to sue for shortening your life span. They are immune to quivering lips, puppy dog eyes and the like.
  • Apples and raw almonds do not qualify as "real food" to people I know.
  • Penny Poker is the Bees Knees when you wanna make $5 last and get a little tipsy.
  • Proud sponsors of cuteness: Kohl's, Forever 21 and Charlotte Russe.
  • Boa's are fun.
  • Black boa's cause black pits and neck. (all of which will not be found out until the morning.)
  • Yelling out of a car window "You have a nice rack!" will get you the finger, as in the bird, not laid and lucky.  Sorry buddy, you failed suave 101.
  • Just because they make it in your size, doesn't make it right.
  • Good samaritans do exist but a bad one has my iPhone.
  • Limo drivers will offer their services in lieu of cab for 6 lovely ladies (one wearing a Birthday Girl crown).
  • Nobody cards you from the day you turn 21 and thereon out. (Sorry Sam)
  • Losing your iPhone is more expensive and inconvenient than losing your purse.

Vegas hates me.

Or life does.

Or alcohol.

Any which way you wanna spin it, there is a common denominator haunting this sad, sad equation.


  1. I'm sooooo sorry but this just has to be said...

    L M F A O.

    Such a funny post! Sorry about said iPhone.. that is absolutely crushing! However, sounds like an epic time!!

    Oh and you cannot blame the dude for yelling, "You have a nice rack". He is clearly just a titty connoisseur trying to showcase his talents and well.. your nice rack! Just remember, the economic downturn impacted everyone and Mr. Titty Connoisseur clearly does not have the finances needed in order to be a patron at a classy lady-joint.

  2. lol I ditto SBB...

    Wasnt there even the tiniest moment where you nearly enjoyed yourself??
    Oh the pain.... Loss of phone is possibly worse than having an eating disorder- no exaggeration.

    And you know that massive ipecac comment you wrote on of my posts, I edited my post due to your instructions, wrote (thankyou flushed) and when I published it again.... comment gone.
    gone like your Iphone.
    I didnt want you to think I deleted it becuase I didnt, It was a fckn good point you made..

    sorry, just wanted to clear that up incase you hated me and were planning my death. x

  3. I enjoyed this post so much I read it aloud. :) I'm sorry about your iphone though :(

  4. Wtf?! Why do people not qualify some foods as real food?! I mean you eat it, right? That makes it food, right? Apparently not. So frustrating.
    Anyways... I love your way with words. You always make me smile. Stay strong and keep posting, darling.

    awesome post*sorry for the lost phone though*
    if apples and almonds arnt food then wtf are they?!lol. if thats true then i am sustaining on nothing...
    omg that boa comment is soo true, i had a black and pink one and wore it to a dance (in high school) and my pits looked like i was part gorilla! everyone at school called me monkey pits for weeks after that.(they were not very clever in my school)
    stay strong


(or e-mail: FlushedAgain@gmail.com)