Once upon a Vegas weekend...

Nevermind.  No juicy stories.  Just bullets.

Things I learned this weekend.

• Taxi drivers are not as helpful after they find out that you've puked in their cab.
• It cost $40 more for said puke.
• A person near death from alcohol poisoning will not eat a banana.
• Logic is not applicable when severely panicky and frustrated over a lost iPhone.
• The Apple Store will let you use their iPhones and internet.  They open at 10 on Sundays but are there at 8:30 doing inventory and cleaning.
• Losing phones is contagious. (3 stories.  2 good samaritans (<--I like this word.) and 1 lost iPhone. Sad face.)
• Casinos will not use their security cams for an iPhone, even if you carefully explain how it is a part of your soul and later threaten to sue for shortening your life span. They are immune to quivering lips, puppy dog eyes and the like.
• Apples and raw almonds do not qualify as "real food" to people I know.
• Penny Poker is the Bees Knees when you wanna make $5 last and get a little tipsy.
• Proud sponsors of cuteness: Kohl's, Forever 21 and Charlotte Russe.
• Boa's are fun.
• Black boa's cause black pits and neck. (all of which will not be found out until the morning.)
• Yelling out of a car window "You have a nice rack!" will get you the finger, as in the bird, not laid and lucky.  Sorry buddy, you failed suave 101.
• Just because they make it in your size, doesn't make it right.
• Good samaritans do exist but a bad one has my iPhone.
• Limo drivers will offer their services in lieu of cab for 6 lovely ladies (one wearing a Birthday Girl crown).
• Nobody cards you from the day you turn 21 and thereon out. (Sorry Sam)
• Losing your iPhone is more expensive and inconvenient than losing your purse.

Vegas hates me.

Or life does.

Or alcohol.

Any which way you wanna spin it, there is a common denominator haunting this sad, sad equation.