Sunday, June 21, 2009
What a mofo'n nightmare today was is. I've b/p'd already and it's still the first half of the day. And I didn't even purge a lot, not nearly as much as I ate. Ugh! Why are you denying me body! Why! That's disgusting in every which way. I hate myself. I hate my body.
I wasn't even hungry! But I just ate and ate and ate anyway. Why do I do this to myself? It's like I'm begging for misery and unhappiness. I don't want to be me.
I don't know why I'm living, what's the point I have nothing to offer. I'm just taking up space, even more space than I should be since I'm so fat. I feel like I'm only "loved" because it's expected. You can't just not love your family right? That's something people can't even admit to their own self because they think it would make them "a bad person". I hate my life. I hate myself. And I'm too lazy and scared to do anything about either. It's just me, Mia and Ed.