Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Houston, we have a problem.

"I might be getting back down to my high weight again." -actual thought I had today.

Terrible. DOWN to my HIGH weight?! There is something seriously wrong with the reality of this situation. I used to be around 120 and knew this because every single morning without fail I would weight myself right before I showered. And then bulimia happened and that number crept out of the 120's and I boycotted the scale. 

Boycotting the scale means that I can't get any heavier right? 
It makes my weight issues go away? 

-Oh hello Delusional we're best friends now. 

Still, I refuse to look at the scale. I couldn't even tell you how long it has been. I even moved it to be hidden in the bathroom so I wouldn't have to think about it anymore. I want the control and obsession back but fear and bulimia hold me prisoner.

Shower time and just changing clothes in general gets me all anxious and crawlunderarockanddy-ish. At least before I could face reality, all I want to do with reality is sweep it under and rug and run from it. Metephorically run of course because I've been far too lazy to engage in physical activities.

I loathe even putting sweats on. SWEATS! Can you imagine? The comfy clothes are even daunting to me. They just aren't all huge and hangey on my like I need them to be.

G2G see my new lil niece. 

1 comment:

  1. I've been boycotting the scale a little too. I just feel like there is this whole routine I need to go to before I can properly go on it. I have to take some laxatives the night before, not drink or eat anything for 4 hours, weigh myself when I get up before I do anything else, and put it in a certain spot before I get on. Lately I've been failing to do that, so I don't bother with it because I feel like if I don't do this ritual EXACTLY, then I am invoking the wrath of some scale god who will make the blasted machine read a horrendous number!


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