Saturday, July 4, 2009

I hate you holiday WEEKEND BBQ

I ate too much and my body + environment aren't letting me purge. Why
oh why? It's that "I'll just purge" thought that always gets me in
trouble. I guess I should be happy that it wasn't a full on binge
binge binge like it could have been but the damage is still horrible
(brownies). Too much.

The worst part of these holidays is that they are at my house Morning
until-well morning. From Friday night until Sunday morning. And the
food doesn't let up either. And you know what that means: leftovers.

There is no going home, people expect to see you doing what they do.
It's my home. Shit is talked if I try to hide. My mom especially. The
nagging. I get enough crap talked about me there's no need to add to

I hate this. I did the eating to myself but I just wish it wasn't at
my house, all day, all weekend every waking moment there is a
smorgasbord of food-Junk Food, that I can not be around. I'm not a
normal girl when it comes to food. My mind doesn't function properly.
And there's no way for people to understand (even if they knew) what
it's like unless they've been there.

I hate this.
I hate holidays.
I hate this "disorder".

I hate being me.

Sent from my iPhone.

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