Sunday, July 26, 2009

Houston, We May Have a Problem


Or I just may be a hypochondriac.
(I'm hoping for the latter. *fingers crossed*)

I have a pain. (See Right.)

I'm hoping it's not the same kind of pain I've had in the past. Blood clottage pain. I had a "bad" one in 2006 in precisely this spot (and a smaller one somewhere behind my knee and allegedly one in my lung). Along with getting diagnosed with Lupus (probably the straw that broke the camels back caused the traffic jam?) (whatever, just go with it).

(It was fun year.)
(Clearly)

I'm blaming law of attraction/the universe for this hypochondriatic* (*SHUT UP SpellCheck, it's a word TO ME!) response because:

A.) Another blogger is having some health issues and I can totally relate to her frustrations since it took them 3 weeks of tests of NOT FINDING the problem meanwhile my right leg looking all Elephantitis (For serious, it was like LeftLeg: Pencil, RightLeg: Hi-Liter)

(P.S. xThinForever send Mona to Southern Cali. kthanx.)

B.) During our walk the other day Assured was asking me about that year and I was telling her of all the things that were going on at the time. (Like jobs, boyfriend, school--busybusy [stressed out and frustrated] girl at the time).

(Assured and I weren't talking at the time-I was a Grade A 18 yr. old Bratty Asshole to her ruining our otherwise pretty close relationship. Happy to say were building it up again.)

But now I have this pain in my leg. Rehashing old memories, I thought the past would stay there. I thought I recognized the "triggers" and could more or less control it. I didn't think it could come back. I know that Lupus is a "chronic" disease (meaning it's lifelong w/no cure).

I guess it's just my naivity to think that it would leave me alone and that not even an inkling of it would materialize EVER again. Nothing that can't be forgotten after a couple (or a handful-but whose counting?) of Motrin. I sometimes even thought that I didn't really have it and that it was basically a lot of things hitting me all at once that made it look like it, a victim of circumstance.

Or maybe that's just what I'd like to believe. It's where my mind takes me because it's easier to think that it's not real and that I am in control. And that's exactly the place where my mind will return once I no longer feel this leg pain that's likely all in my head.

Except I also took a blood thinner for good measure.

P.S. Eff You Law of Attraction/Universe! Get the hell out!
(I'm mature. What?)

2 comments:

  1. Ugh, Lupus SUCKS. I've got cousins with it. I was actually being tested for it, but FINALLY they've ruled it out (for now anyway) and stuck me with fibromyalgia and celiacs instead.

    It sucks that doctors are so SLOW in figuring these things out. If you think there's something wrong, keep bothering them until you get an answer. Don't just accept "there's nothing wrong" just because they can't find anything - they could be looking for the wrong thing.

    Please take care of yourself, and good luck.

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  2. She is on her way!! Haha. Everyone definitely needs a Mona. She didnt call today, so I'm going to call her tomorrow. I'm sure it was one of those "omgosh im sorry i didnt get back you whateverwhatever busyyyy" not a problem. I have to have patience. And I agree with you.. I dont think you would be so naive as to think that everything is perfectly okay and youre in control. You are the most in tune with your body and if you think there is something wrong, please dont hesitate to get it figured out! <3 Or I'll just have to ship out there and talk to the doctors for you LOL.. and get some goddamn answers! YAY. Being a control person myself, I feel more in control doing something about it rather than not doing anything at all and self medicating. Let me know how it goes!

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