Wednesday, July 15, 2009


My cousin and her friends want me to come out for the weekend. Or even more tonight! (3 hour drive) They say they'll pay for gas, I don't need any money while I'm there since we'd be going floating on the lake. I made up a lame excuse that I'm playing in a softball tourney and it's the play-offs which is actually next weekend. The only reason I can't go is utter fattness. I just can't go out and put my fun face on when I feel like a whale. It's just not happening.

In other news. No purge today. No binge (625 cals total). And right now I'm about to go on a walk with my mom. AND I got on the scale first thing this morning (10am is still morning for us unemployed folk) and it said 134. 10 lbs lighter and my clothes will won't be busting at the seams. 120 el bees and they'll fit right. Goal, goal weight though would be 110. 110 would be a dream. Totally attainable dream though just gotta stick to my guns and stay in control.

Walkey time.


  1. Anonymous16.7.09

    i know the feeling so well to miss out coz of self consciousness but i think you should go! its never too late to change your mind... I just came back from a week where i didnt have the luxury of spending every second obsessing over food and i feel happier. admittedly slightly fatter but happier for the social interaction...
    thats my two cents anyway.

  2. go go go!
    pls the worst thing u can do is isolate urself with an eating disorder! ul end up with nobody1 pls go! I no in the back kof ur mind ul be thinkin fat fat fat! but think positive! u have friends who wnt u there to have fun with! their even gna pay for gas they wnt u there so bad! dont become anti social! Ive missed out on so many outings an holidays bc I dnt wna eat with ppl! x

  3. PLease, please, go!!! thats what I have to say on being anti-social...but being in REcovery gives me a few thoughts on ummmm restriction, the old me would have said way to go!! you did it! you proved how strong you are! but I CAN NOT say that its okay to restrict when I know what it does to your poor body, and not to mention how it fucks up your metabilism, I feel I must be a voice of reason...SO here it goes, how bout trying to eat a 1600 cal diet, you will still lose wieght and you will not be starving your body, because really you know as well as I that restriction will eventually lead to a binge whether its a tomorrow or a week from now, your body cant survive on nothing for ever, I emplore you to rethink this "diet" you are on, it will only perpetuate the cycle and serves to be completely self destructive. And oh yeah GO ON YOUR TRIP!!! you will regret it for sure if you dont.

    Much love to you,


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