Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Stangest Feeling

I feel weak, like I'm floating. I barely feel my body even when I concentrate.

They're there...fingers...toes....but they don't feel real, like I'm a stranger in my own body.

Today was Not Good. But it could have been worse. My little cousins 10th birthday was today and we all went over to my aunts for a brunch buffet.

  • Eggs
  • Biscuits
  • Gravy w/sausage
  • Carnita tacos
  • Fruit (cantalope & grapes)
  • Coffee
  • Mimosas
  • Blueberry Muffins (in lieu of cupcakes for dessert)
Off the bat 2 items crossed out since I'm a vegetarian. I don't really eat eggs unless it's just the eggwhites (I'm weird about dairy food). Temptations. Safe.

I distanced myself from the biscuits; and the Muffins were, "meh" *shrug*. I got to admit I almost caved when I was offered a Mimosa. Okay, I said yes! (LOVE-LOVE-LOVE Champagne!!!) But then I freaked about calories and changed my mind before anything was poured.

Le sigh.

I had grabbed an apple and a grapefruit before I left (I never trust my aunts cooking, even when she goes for healthy. She doesn't think about olive oil, butter, dressings, fruit juices...) and I stuck to my safe foods. (Come to think of it she cooked the eggs in the same pan as she did the sausage. Saugage grease! NASSSTY!)


I walked out a Champ!
(Who the Champ?)
(Me the CHAMP!)


Pop open some Bubbley!!

-Oh wait. :-\
Scratch that...


And then I got home. I broke 2 rules. I ate after 6pm and I ate more than 1200 calories. Sad Face. I almost binged. I almost purged. Instead I decided to just let it go. It was too much but it was still less than 1300 and nothing unhealthy and the thought of tomorrow being DaySeven as oppose to SquareOne...


Have I told you lately that I'm fat? (I am.)

And that I'm determined to not be? (I'm trying.)

And I'm trying to NOT be bulimic? (It's hard.)

And babbling in blog helps? (It does.)


4 comments:

  1. seven days NO purging!!! You are a ROCK star!!!! I am so proud of you...seriously...like for reals you rock...I cant say it enough...YOu will reach your ultimate goal...just do it in a HEALTHY way K? thats what you are doing...just keep it up..and thanks for the comment on my blog..it really means allot...like really...I need all the support I can get!!!


    Love,Z

    ReplyDelete
  2. who da champ?! you the champ! luv it well done! I dont no how u manage not to eat after 6 that is very impressive! Im worried about the way u described not feeling your body tho! dats pretty scary no?! u shud maybe eat just fruit or sumtin after 6 that way u wont be so tempted to cave? well done for resisting the champagne that stuff is amazing! xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. i love it when you babble in your blog!! :) i totally know how you feel most of the time.. and i love how you said you are going to think of tomorrow as day seven instead of square one. <3 that is always my hardest thing.. i get so bent out of shape that i spend the next two days eating and eating, like last meal syndrome, and then i start over. im glad you have the strength to accept your mistake and carry on. im getting better at it. :) keep up the good work dear!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Babble away. I love the babblings, and i love your blog. Great job not binging and purging in 7 days! Stay strong. Check out my blog if you'd like. (It'd make very very happy. haha).

    ReplyDelete

Spill.
(or e-mail: FlushedAgain@gmail.com)