Monday, July 6, 2009

Stuck between a bathroom and a kitchen

It's Monday which means the holiday weekend is over (yay) and the
being good begins (damage control). Already a boat load of fruit,
grilled veggies and a spinach salad (with feta and mozzarella cheese)
has crossed my lips. 10 minutes until noon.

All alone in the home with leftovers in the fridge and I'm losing my
mind (well losing MORE of it).

It's picking a poison. I want to tell myself that to just not eat for
the rest of the day but then I worry that I will fail so I may as well
binge a little and purge it. But then how will my body react to
attempting a purge. My tummy has been very resistant those last two
days when I've tried to but maybe it was because I was afraid of
getting caught, anxious to hurry up and get it out and wasn't able to
do it the usual way lots of food/water/TIME.

Which I have right now. Undo the damage of the cheese. Succumb to the
weaknesses of the food that taunts me.

I try and tell myself to be strong like I read about on your blogs.
And I try to remember the time when I was more in control and
disciplined like you ladies but that was before Bulimia happened. It's
the worst thing I could have ever done to myself. If you ladies are
unable to throw up thank your lucky stars (or something) it sick and
takes over your mind and changes eating forever.

Sent from my iPhone.


  1. Bulimia is such a terrible thing, definitely. I use it as a crutch far too often, and I too wish I could go back to simply resisting...
    The worst is when you let yourself binge, attempt to purge and ti doesn't happen properly...
    I feel you.
    Good luck with the leftovers, darling.

  2. hey there first time poster hello how are you? most likely you will answer...ahhhh not so good, well at least that is the impression I have gotten from your post. I am with you, I wish I had never started this Bulimia demon, i wish I had stayed An my whole life but and here is the but they are both Eds and they are ummm both pretel going to kill us eventualy if we dont seek help or do something to end this choas, right? I hear that you dont want to live like this I am getting some glimmer of hope in your post that this maddness has got to stop, so whats it gonna be? what are you willing to do to stop this cycle? can you throw out the left overs...get out of your house...go for a walk ( if you are allowed...Im not but maybe you can:) )...and lastly geez I feel long winded I was wondering what kinda of tx you recieve...i didnt read to far back so forgive me if this is a repeat question, do you have a theripist? A Nutri anyone to help you on this devastatingly hard journey...

    much love and positive vibes going your way


  3. Bulimia sounds really hard. I cudnt master it! I remmeber the 1st time I planned my first binge I went mental. brownies crisps chocolate chocolate chocolate smoothies everything mmmmm and then to be able to throw it up and not put on a lb seemed so appealing but of course I got like none of it. I cant make myself sik its annoying! stay strong tho. I eat less and think about food less when Im out doing stuff with my friends so maybe surround urself with ppl?!
    About ut comment on my last blog!
    y do I pick so many flaws in ppl. I wnt them so bad then I get them and find reasons not to like that. I wnt sum1 ridickulously hot that Im afriad and ttally excited to be with?!
    but where will I find this person. and I dnt wnt to get close to them. I dont wnt them to no netin about me! ahh!
    gud luck dude! stay strongg u r amazing xx


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