Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Tic-Tac-Toe 3 in a Row!

That's right folks Day 3!
No binge.
No Purge.

Not that I didn't think about it but my brain kinda feels all undisordered-like when I think of puking. Like food (and potential fat) is not worth swallowing my fingers. Weird. This may or may not have something to do with my failed purge on Sunday but either way, I'm glad. And it may or may not having something to do with my mom making a comment that I'm "melting away" which means "PROGRESS"!

But despite what that blasted scale reads and having more nuts than I'd planned (seriously, they're like Mother Natures version of Lay's "betcha can't have just one"). I didn't go nuts, I didn't puke and I can see that my body is less fat (less being the operative word here; a Fatso still stares back as me with disgust when I look in the mirror) thus telling me I must be doing something right. And that something is so very uplifting and motivating.

I'M A NEW WOMAN!Okay, maybe that's pushing it a little...(or A LOT) but these past couple of days were not easy, I felt on the brink of losing
control more than I'd like to admit (like for instance an hour ago...).

I was at my Sis's all day yesterday which I thought was gonna be a Good Thing. But when it was 12:30 and I ate ALL my "snacks" and then some I started second guessing A Successful Day 2. But I convinced myself that all was not lost (or maybe it was more like "don't make it worse").

For dinner we met my mom at Island's for dinner. I planned on having coffee MAX (if that) because "I'm a broke ass" which is what I told my mom and Sis from the get-go and then my mom was all "I'm buying, so you can eat!". Crap. At first I thought of sticking to just coffee but decided against it because I didn't want to be tempted with the food that could potentially be floating (taunting) around the table. I ordered a side garden salad (no croutons, no cheese, salsa for dressing) and plain steamed veggies (which was broccoli and carrots). It was perfectly satisfying and delish-US! (I heart veggies)

Flushed-2, ED-0.

Today was harder. I was at home and bored as hell. The scale read: "Discouraging" this morning and my belly screamed "comfort food"-No, actually that was ED (the sonuvabitch!).

Too hot for a walk. No book to read (good books are great distractions for me). No laptop. Just Me and kitchen full of healthy food. I fought with myself all day long, willing myself NOT to binge. Not to purge. Tried to distract myself. I wrote for a bit. Doodled (haha~yeah, I'm way short on "drawing skills" but I figured I'd share for fun :). Slowly but surely got myself public presentable and willed myself out the door.

Now I got books.
Now I got my laptop.
Now I'm equipped with distractions.

Flushed-3, ED-0


  1. Hey! did you draw that picture? its everything I wna be! a girl little fragile and girly! tiny and delicate!
    well done on day 3 of not binging or purging! u can do it! Im here believeing and supporting you! x

  2. This is beautiful.
    I love the flowers, her dress, and God! I wish I was all of those words.

    Do you mind if I post it on my Depictions blog? It would be perfect for it. And I could link it back to you :) so you'd get full credit.

  3. sweet!
    all I need is a title and an artist's statement.
    you can Email them to me if you'd like-


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