Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Whomp-whompy-whooommmp.



Square 1.

9 day streak OVA. Tomorrow I'm back at one.


Oddly, I don't feel as bad as I thought I would.

  • Still didn't go over 1200 calories (nothing subtracted from purge).
  • Healthy foods.
  • I managed 9 days. (I persevered a few times.)
  • The binge and purge actually felt...well, like just what I needed. (Disordered, I know.)

I actually feel like a weight has been lifted. Like I was in limbo for a couple of days on the edge of failure. Is it just me or is the edge sometimes worse? It's like: ALL RIGHT ALREADY! JUST CAVE AND GET ON WITH IT!! So now I feel like I got it out of my system, an eery calm has set in.

I do feel pretty hypocritical, commenting all, "I'm doing great!" and "being healthy" but at the time that I was commenting I truly was feeling the way I said. These past 9 days were not easy but for those 9 days, I was strong and it felt good knowing that I was winning the battle. A couple hours of weakness may have set me back to 1 on my streak but it did not completely obliterate the strength that I grew.

Once I was empty and calm, I was back on the wagon I had just jumped off of. So here I go again, taking it one day at a time...

4 comments:

  1. 9 days is an amazing accomplishment my love
    i havnt last that long
    but i know how you feel
    about the release from purging
    it feels wonderful
    its our drug
    our addiction

    i wonder if after all this
    once we all reach our goal weights
    will we ever feel enough?
    not necessarily thin enough
    but just enough

    xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. keep going strong! I just caught up on all ur posts! ur a student again! prepare to have lots of fun and a new focus in life! but while staying healthy at the same time! x

    ReplyDelete
  3. and thats all you can do!
    one day at a time.. :)
    that is my biggest weakness.. i plan and plan and research and never am able to execute it very well.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It was 9 days this time...maybe next time it will be 10 days! It takes little steps to complete a journey!

    ReplyDelete

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