Square 1.
9 day streak OVA. Tomorrow I'm back at one.
Oddly, I don't feel as bad as I thought I would.
- Still didn't go over 1200 calories (nothing subtracted from purge).
- Healthy foods.
- I managed 9 days. (I persevered a few times.)
- The binge and purge actually felt...well, like just what I needed. (Disordered, I know.)
I actually feel like a weight has been lifted. Like I was in limbo for a couple of days on the edge of failure. Is it just me or is the edge sometimes worse? It's like: ALL RIGHT ALREADY! JUST CAVE AND GET ON WITH IT!! So now I feel like I got it out of my system, an eery calm has set in.
I do feel pretty hypocritical, commenting all, "I'm doing great!" and "being healthy" but at the time that I was commenting I truly was feeling the way I said. These past 9 days were not easy but for those 9 days, I was strong and it felt good knowing that I was winning the battle. A couple hours of weakness may have set me back to 1 on my streak but it did not completely obliterate the strength that I grew.
Once I was empty and calm, I was back on the wagon I had just jumped off of. So here I go again, taking it one day at a time...
9 days is an amazing accomplishment my love
ReplyDeletei havnt last that long
but i know how you feel
about the release from purging
it feels wonderful
its our drug
our addiction
i wonder if after all this
once we all reach our goal weights
will we ever feel enough?
not necessarily thin enough
but just enough
xoxoxo
keep going strong! I just caught up on all ur posts! ur a student again! prepare to have lots of fun and a new focus in life! but while staying healthy at the same time! x
ReplyDeleteand thats all you can do!
ReplyDeleteone day at a time.. :)
that is my biggest weakness.. i plan and plan and research and never am able to execute it very well.
It was 9 days this time...maybe next time it will be 10 days! It takes little steps to complete a journey!
ReplyDelete