Monday, October 19, 2009

76 days flushed to porcelain

A slippery slope is the road to recovery. True statement. Saturday night, I slip and slid down the hill...rolled is more like it I suppose considering my Fatty Fatso self.

I was strong and resisted for quite a while but suddenly I was back at my summer self, the self that I had no control of. The Voice of...whatever it is that's been keeping me strong and in control, apparently took the night off.

Bad Voice. Grrrr.

  • Eggs.
  • Toast.
  • Cereal.
  • Nuts.
  • Yogurt.
  • Oatmeal.

This is what followed my Steamed Veggies and Salad that I should have stopped at. Then I bent over at the waist, swallowed my fingers and regurgitated.

Yes. As simple (and oogley) as that.
No hesitation.
No...nothing. My body was on autopilot and my mind was blank. Not clear. Blank.

76 days, how could it be so easy? I was a zombie afterward, a tired zombie, I even considered another round- all or nothing, right? But I didn't. Maybe that Voice was on it's way back or maybe I was just too tired...all I know it that, true to my alias, I was flushed.

On Sunday I had a new low, 118.5 lbs. is what my daily fortune read, the numbers made me smile but my smile made me frown. My teeth. They were getting stronger but running my tongue along them, I can feel the difference, even now, 48 hours later my teeth are the reminder.

And now that day 3 is tomorrow.
These 76 days have made me so much stronger, a strength that I need to beat my streak because it's a little harder now to resist the temptation of what I got a taste of.... and not to linger in the low numbers of my San Purge Streak...

Thank you all so much for your support, I haven't the ability to articulate how much your comments and blogs have given me strength those days. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I love you all!
OX  ~  MUAH!!  ~  XO


  1. Don't sweat it! You are so strong. That is an amazingly long amount of time to go without purging, I am so proud of you! So you slipped up, well the world will keep on going! And so will you. Stay strong and inspirational! Xo

  2. How did you manage to not B&P for 76 days? I really struggle with it and find that I can't go a day without doing it once. It is truly amazing that you had control for so long, but really, how did you do it?

  3. I'm proud of you! 76 days? Wow! You could do it again if you wanted. That's impressive. I can't imagine going that long. You're very strong and you're motivated! One slip up is not a pattern. Indulging once in awhile keeps you sane.


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