Tuesday, October 27, 2009
It's just meant that way. Whatever that means.
Every other Tuesday the Cleaning Ladies come at 7:40ish in the morning and stay until around noonish or something? I don't have to leave for class until 9:30ish....yeah. So I grabbed a Pear and a handful of almonds before heading out the door. I realized en route that I forgot my wallet.
To Trader Joe's I go! I moseyed around sampled a couple coffees and bought a 19 cent banana. I was hoping for something better then a raspberry filled donut thingy valued at 50 calories. No thanks. They weren't even warm....
After class. Lunchtime. Ding! Ding! Ding! Costco! Lunch will be mooching off Costco samples! They rarely have much that I would eat so it shouldn't be too bad, right! ....Right?
Sampling turned out to be a full on binge. I think the sample Nazi's would have been out for a lynching had I not exited. It was horrible. Nutbars, cereal, crackers/hummus, a sip of soymilk...quiches(note the s at the end of that), cheese/spinach ravioli, doritos, pirates booty, naked juice stuff...
I left there full of remorse and aching for more, embarrassed yet wanting more and grudging on Costco that they didn't have a shift change so I could torment new Sample Servers. I decided it was my FuckItAllToHell meal and afterward I would be born again. Y'know after briefly (I use that term loosely) considering throwing up in a public restroom and that it was too far to go home but deciding against it only because I have a math exam and I don't want my brain to be anymore discombobulated and chaotic than it already was from this overload on junk food and fatty fattness. And I DO NOT want to write another "I'm back at 1" post, I just can't do that to myself.
I drove to Starbucks remembering my $5, FuckItAllToHell meal and their Yogurt Parfait (Mmmmmm...) (Mmmmmmm...) (Mmmmmm....) and they have free wifi! So I drove and I decided. $5 bill in pocket, laptop bag on the shoulder and they're out of parfaits. Nothing else will do. It was only the parfait that juiced my goose. Or something. (Where do I get this ish?)
I was relieved.
My body calmed when I made the decision that I would pluck down on this seat and forego a GranParfruity Goose chase all shook up (hey-hey...hey-hey.....heeeeey, hey.hey.hey...) like a chicky with my head cut off. And that the universe is telling me No. You are going to listen and obey the voice that was telling you (and you were dilligently trying to ignore and drowned out with your Parfaitic dreams) (you can't dive into a parfait like Uncle Scrooge into his coins) not to make a bad situation worse when you were driving over here. And you are gonna be better for it!
I can't help but want to shake my fists at the sky and cry Damn you, we're divorced!! I don't want you anymore you Beasty Temptress, stop trying to seduce me!! And then do a roundhouse kick in the air and a karate chop for good measure! Take that! Hiiiiii-YA! Ya digg?
So anyway. I'm not digging on this whole righteous and empowered one day, epic fail the next thing I've got going on. Anybody like rollercoasters? I do. Clearly.
It was one meal that went awry but the world (or Starbucks) (on second thought, I'm pretty sure Starbucks rules the planet. VIVA LA CAFFEINE!) decided against it, in my favor ultimately and to that I am grateful.
I choose to believe that it is all about perspective and the universe is on my side. If there were no bad in the world how would we know how good we have it? There is power and learning, in seeing and living the contrast. Knowing what is on each side of the fence influences our decision, it let's us know that however good we have there is better and however worse is worser (no red underline? that's a word?! Sweeeet!) and every thought and action you must decide which to be closer to. The gooder or the worser?
Today I won because a bad situation was not made worse.
I did not have sexual relations with my ex.
(P.S. Lulu, you cracked me up with your "there's plenty of fish in the sea!" Err....can you point the way to the NON disordered fishing grounds? Is there an equivalent to eHarmony for this sort of thing? Or a fishing pass? Maybe I should just be single for awhile.... ;)