Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Float Upon a Bloat...

I'm bloated.

Yup, it's all regret and slothery in my corner of the couch. Watermelon kicked my ass today. So did mountains upon mountains of salad and veggies and eggwhites and nuts and oatmeal...aaarggh!! Too much! Much too much. I'm disgusting! I make myself sick!

(Not literally though because I'm on Day 4.)


Clearly Skinny Bitching was not on my mind despite my rave review! I just keep eating too much, it's not bad food but eating your weight in watermelon and salad? Excessive. Unacceptable.

You like how I'm doing something about it? All pro-active-like?

Me too.

Surely the bloat will blog away....with my fingers moving like lightning! Typing, it's the latest craze in fitness! Read all about it in FatAss Fatness, pick up a copy at your local Fattery. They're free and promise to burn calories of the imaginary persuasion only. That's right, folks. No need to worry about turning into a Skinny Bitch reading this pile of gluttony.

I need to get my ass off the couch and DO SOMETHING! Put on my Nike's and Just Do It! Except they're New Balance and don't have a slogan.

No slogan, no deal. How am I gonna get motivated and work out with no gimmick?

It's like there's this big blubbery walrus wearing an orange polyester suit with horizontal stripes in the room with me. Taunting me and poking at my fat.

I'm gonna look at Thinspo now in hopes that it will inspire me to move muscles further away from the keyboard than my wrists...

(I wouldn't be surprised if there is another post tonight...perhaps the next one will not be written by A Crazy Person)


  1. Anonymous6.8.09

    Stay strong hunni <3

  2. hey!
    seriously I no all that stuff can bloat u! it happens to me all da time! and I totally go overboard 2! but remember bloat is not fat its just ur body breaking it down slowly! so dnt beat urself up about too much watermelon! dat stuff is amazing tho! just remember its fruit! u cud of eaten way too much of sumtin else sumtin worse!!!!!!! xx

  3. heya, your doing pretty good. keep it up.
    the bloatingness will go away and you'll feel good. atlest you go after fruit, when i feel weak, i eat everything in my way, mostly bread which i'm planning cutdown..sometime soon..

    & omg yeah i so understand about feeling powerful staring at the food in the bin. its so much better to throw would have ended up down the toilet anyway ;)


  4. Watermellon and salads?
    That sounds like a good binge to me.
    I mean, it's better than stuffing chocolates and crisps in there.

    Think about it, there's like zero fat in all that.
    So it wont store anything.

    New fangled exercise you say?
    We should all open Word and type gibberish then.
    See how many pounds we can loose in an hour (We wish eh!)

    Get up and do some chores, move the house around.
    It'll burn off that food and the house(room) will look all perty.
    Why not even sort out your wardrobe?
    You get the gist.


  5. Hey, even though it was a lot of food, at least it wasn't bad food. Whenever i binge, it's like my weight in cookies or something else awful. YOu're not doing so bad. Keep up your resolve.

  6. Anonymous6.8.09

    ditto about the yay it wasnt bad food,

    and maybe we shoudl suggest to all budget sports brands that they need to start thinking of ways to push us into exerccising before we have to stop buying from the petite section.
    WHAT ABOUT ETHICAL CONSUMERS/blah blah etc etc,

    ...i just realsied i responded to your crazy person post with a crazier person comment. disjointed as fuck. apologies. xx

  7. Anonymous6.8.09

    omg, i love how you posted a picture of jabba the hut to example your bloatedness.. i laughed soooo hard. omg. i just got to work and burst out laughing and my coworker was like what up? and im like.. ohhh nothing. haha.

    slogan --
    new balance : get off your fat lazy ass and do something already, fuck.

    id say thats a pretty motivating slogan.
    if my shoes told me that, id be like :O *blink* um.. okay. yeah, lets do that. LOL

  8. lmao your post killed me! I laughed so hard!! At least your binge was good food, & you're going to pee out a lot of the watermelon bloat.. that's something to look forward to! My most recent binge was Nutella -- I blame PMS for that. Congrats on day 4!!

  9. Whatever you were taking when you wrote this, please mail me some too :) I'm going to think of that picture *EVERY* time I say the word bloated I think now.

    BTW Skinny Bitch is a.mazing. I need to look through the cookbook and see if it's any good.

  10. The bloat will leave... just make sure you drink more water (weird but it does work) and don't get on the scales. It's depressing and not true to life.


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