Tuesday, August 11, 2009
[It's got links!]
Ummm...I'm so sorry for freaking you all out in that last post! Thank you, thank you, thank you a blagazillion times(!) for all of your comments! Seriously, I can't thank you enough.
I've not gone to the doctor thus me+diabetes is speculation based of symptom checkers googled.
It came about last week when Assured and I were talking on our walk, it was all very casual and, well, conversational. She asked if I (implying I should, of course) looked into having diabetes, she repeated the symptoms that I casually mentioned as annoyance (insatiable thirst, pee every 2 minutes and finally, showing her the 300 blisters on the back of my foot that seem like they've been there forever!) (annoying, right?!) and also added that our family has a history of it. I dismissed it immediately thinking, it probably just looks that way but, again, chalking it up to being a victim of circumstances.
Cause: Drinking a boat load of water.
Effect: Peeing a boat load.
Cause: Continue walking on already blistered feet.
Effect: Wounds that won't heal!
Duh! Right? Right! That's what I thought.
But the thought nagged at me. Waking up NUMEROUS times at night to go pee? Not normal. I began to scan my memory bank thus putting a little more weight on said symptom. Then fishing...who exactly has diabetes? Both my grandma and grandpa (apparently whichever can be okay through diet). AND THEN I went to google and check more annoyances off the list. Resulting in a Hate Letter to my body and an OCEAN OF TEARS! Cured with your lovely comments, a long walk (with a pitstop at a playground. How Super Freaking Fantastic are swings!) (And a little Jason Mraz "Lonely Girl" - ummm....yeah, I have a playlist called Sad Pants for these piteous occasions, it actually makes me feel better.) and weird breakdown(s).
My Aunt was telling me about going to the county for healthcare. She said that there will be a lot of waiting and a nominal fee depending of how much your income is, so this is what I had in mind. UNTIL my Sis (and Adodable Baby!) came over and was saying something about not qualifying if you have a 401k and $5,000 or more in the bank. Umm....County Funded Buh-Bye!
So there goes that.
That's not fair! It kind of is but then not. Isn't saving money and not blowing it all and living in debt what a Responsible, Smart Person does?! Oh but said person better not have health issues because there goes all said money on doctors bills. Should blew it at the mall. What is this? A society built on having your cake and eating it too? Stupid Fat society.
(I really don't know what I'm talking about but it makes sense to me! Temper Tantrum Alert!)
(Oh wait, the alerts are suppose to come before huh? Oh well.)
Let's face it, right now, I'm a hot mess of exponential [and emotional] proportions. Spiritually Lost, if you will. I keep trying to remind myself that that there is a rainbow after this ShitStorm of Tears that is my life right now. Things will get better, This Too Shall Pass and all that Silver Lining. (Also, I suspect my "Girls Week" may be around the corner. Boo!) It's just a matter of reminding myself of that and being strong. Because I am. (Damnit!)
It's weird, all this emotion. I'm used to bottling it all up but I think in this past year I've run out of room and it's starting to spill over. Hello, Multiple Emotional Breakdowns! Yikes.
On the bright side you all get to feel incredibly sane and put together after reading my posts!