Friday, February 19, 2010

Le Sigh, Le Sigh & Sigh some more...

Today I have no obligations.  It's just me, free to do as I choose, my mom is gone to work (as per usual Monday through Fridays) and will be away for the entire weekend with her boyfriend.  It's 1:30 right now and I have done nothing.  

My thoughts are distracted by food; 
picking and choosing and mentally drooling, 
calculating calories, costs and consequences 
and meekly shooting each of these thoughts down with a sigh.  

I tell myself it will be worth it (with a sigh) 
I remind myself that my weight is 117.5 (with a sigh) 
and this number is too far from my goal (sigh) 
How I am making the right decision by not falling victim to these tempting thoughts
Remembering (with a sigh) last weekend when I had succumbed, spiraled and gained (sigh).  

The tipping point is watching the fight with my friends tomorrow. I'm a better person to be around when I'm not disappointed and hating myself for the actions of days prior.  

You're welcome friends, I will bring my happy face tomorrow when I see you.

Here I am 4 days of Anti-Solid Food Fasting at 117.5 pounds. I cannot help but imagine what magnificent, lower number the scale would have read should 3 consecutive days of bingeing had not occurred.  But alas, the past is done and present is here and all I have are my actions now to create a future present more to my liking than the one I am currently [sighing] in.

I will be strong today and continue this Anti-Solidness, tomorrow the number on the scale will be smaller and my smile will brighten that much more.


  1. Find something to distract you, anything, just block all food related, or even weight related thoughts out of your mind,
    and you will be happier tomorrow, it will be worth it,
    I hope you have a nice time with your friends and that your okay, x.

  2. Try to find the best distraction to do. Even lay in your bed and listen to music or daydream about your goal weight! That works for me!

    At least you are at 117.5! I wish I was at that weight right now!

  3. I do that too. When i'm left to myself, i just sit and meditate on food. It's ridiculous and depressing. How can we snap out of it?


(or e-mail: