Thursday, February 18, 2010


You ladies are wonderful.  I am so blessed to receive comments of such nice & caring people, I thank you for that.   I want to highlight a couple comments on my last post that helped lighten the dark thoughts of relapse.

"...remember how horrible it is the smell, the taste, the feeling on your teeth, the shame the disgust, its not worth it..." ~Rain
"...What I do is tell myself that when I get to my goal weight ... I will pick out one thing to eat guilt free as a reward. Focusing on that thought always helps me kick binging urges..." ~NinetyNine 
 While I can't think of any guilt free reward to eat at the moment I can think of the rewards of my efforts.  Losing weight is wonderful.  Feeling your day was a success is Fantastic.  Looking in the mirror and seeing results in your body and the way your clothes fit is Inspiring.

Today is my 4th day of liquid(ish) fasting.  (I add the "ish" because I do drink smoothies from Trader Joe's and I add FlaxSeed Meal to my protein shakes)  Today is also my 71st day without purging.  Upon completion of today and an added 5 more days, I will have tied my longest (recorded) streak!!  Rest assured, I will not stop there, 2010 will be the marking year in my life that I successfully stopped purging.  It must be.  I cannot continue to abuse my body and mind with this disorder that plagues so many of us.

Yesterday was the first day of Lent (Catholic thing where you give up something until Easter), though I was baptized Catholic I don't practice this religion nor any others, I still want to give up something.  I was thinking solid food.  I'm still wondering if I could get away with 40 days (actually 42 since I started the NSF-Fast on Monday) without actually eating any food.  I'm considering making one free meal (just a meal not a day!) per week which would come to 7 meals.  We'll see.  I think I'll just make it up as I go along but I'm really shooting for the entire 40 days.

I keep my streaks on this App I have on my iPhone called "Streaks" (imagine that...) So I already have my Non-Purging Streak Calendar.

And now I have started a Fasting Streak and  a Bingeing Streak (the idea is to keep track of when it happens, these streaks are to be kept few and far between, if ever!).

Is it absolutely ridiculous how much I am dependent on my iPhone?  It's love.

Those 3 days of bingeing really hurt me.  1 step forward (NSF fast -6) and 2 steps back (Binges +6.5 lbs.) a mistake I must learn from.  I know that much of the weight was the food inside me but it's still painful and damaging to my disordered psyche to see those numbers so high and so far from where I was and even further from where I want to be.

Onward with the Non Solid Food Fasting!!  My body is loving it! :)


  1. congratulations on making it soo long!
    im also giving up something for lent(though im not religious ,its a good excuse to not eat lol)
    im giving up breakfast and lunch on the weekdays.
    your so strong, im so happy for you!
    2010 will definitely be a great year for all of us.
    i cant thank you enough for inspiring me through the tough times.
    stay strong

  2. holy moly! thats a long streak and I think its awesome! I dont purge but I abuse laxatives really badly, and I need to stop because its wrecking my system! ew.

    I super need that application for my itouch!

  3. I've wanted an i-phone for forever and that is just another reason why I want one! I'm so proud of you for not purging I know its hard but they say you still absorb 60-80% of the calories anyway. So is it really worth it?? Stay strong girl!


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