least Not Wrong) and yet...nothin.
The scale is not being nice to me.
(Or is it my body? I can almost hear the scale yelling from down the
hall, "HEY! Don't kill the messenger!")
Anyhoodlie, I'm at about 124-126 (it goes back and forth like
everyday. An-Noooyyying!) but here's the the thing. I haven't eaten
more than like 700 calories in like a couple weeks. In fact 4 digits
just don't happen except for like 1 day; there may or may not have
been alcohol involved and even then it's not more than say 1300? The
last day I even went near 1500 was in July. (I have an App for this)
So basically, it's just reedickalus to gain. My weight should Get Low
like Lil John and the Eastside Boys! (member? You member! Song from
like 18 years ago!)
Although it frustrates me there are some things that I try and remind
myself. I've seen this Plateau-ish Bodily Hissy Fit before and I know
if I stick with How I Do (I'm so gangsta) then I my body will give.
Cuz it just can't stay at this weight at my intake. Plus I eat totally
healthy. (with the exception of my gum, coffee and splenda...)
Also, I just kinda realized that I have't had my period in a couple of
months...so errrm, that basically means my body is starving right? Cuz
it's certainly not due to lack of body fat. (Unfortunately)
I'm torn on my feelings about this. I kinda think it's bad cuz y'know
your suppose to have it and it can supposedly screw up the woman parts
or somethin? But that little thought grows weaker by the minute and is
drowned out by the other voice that is like HELL YEA! No period?! Let
me count the ways this is Super Fantastic!
• No period (Let's face it, they just suck. No if, ands, or asses
• It means I'm losing weight (need I say more!)
(I'm saying more anyway tho)
• I don't have to buy tampons (save $$)
• Who cares about my baby making parts anyway? (Trust me, this
bloodlines should not be extended yet another generation)
I've been feeling a little binge-wanty lately. That's no good. And
it's not gonna happen. (You hear that Body? So just stop.) Could be
'starving'. Could be loneliness. Could be both. Either way, not gonna
happen because then I will purge it. And it will make me go down that
Big Bad Spiral of Porcelain Ickiness and cut into my study time.
Oh yeah. AND fuck up my teeth more. AND make me feel like crap. AND
give me hardcore migraines. AND make me fat. AND prompt me to waste
money on food. AND it's messy. AND make me all Super Duper Uber
So no. No to the Binge. No to the Purge.
I've been studying like ker-Azy since I started school. So much
reading to do, so little comprehension going down. I love to read but
remembering dates and which dead guy painted what...ummm, no.
And I don't really know how to study or take notes properly. I get by
but I want A's. This time I want to the most I can get out of my
education. So I need to be better, on top of things.
I haven't seen TheElectrician since he came by for 1minute the day
before my birthday to give me flowers because he was gonna be gone for
the weekend. His birthday was Wednesday I text him he replied. All was
fine and then I haven't heard from him.
I was feeling bad, been stressing for like a week because he had this
super sweet idea of going wine taste and getting away for a night
(Santa Barbara? I dunno) but all I can think about is STUDY STUDY
STUDY! What?! That's too much time!
It seems like the last 2 weeks I've been drowning in school work. I
Like only 4-4.5 hours sleep and suffering. Then obligatory birthday
night, bridal shower...I have one mid-term Thursday and another the
following week. The week after that a Wedding...
So yea, totally blew off the whole wine tasting thing. Like from the
get-go I was like Ummm... Well, I want to go but...
And then I haven't really heard from him and I haven't contacted
him...so then earlier I texted him & he replied said he was getting
ready to watch a movie so he'd call me tomorrow... So we'll see what's
going on with that.
I always do this. They show interest and I back off (way off) and then
we just stop talking. Today's text was out of the ordinary for me, I
typically wouldn't. But. I'm trying not be the old me.
Trying to get out of the ole comfy zone.
(Hopefully this post makes some kind of sorted sense-if not...well,
you try doing an entire post from your phone! So there!)
Sent from my iPhone.