We went out last night. It was nice. Place that does Sushi and stuff (it's sooooo American!) and had the Spinach Artichoke Salad minus cheese/crouts/dress of course! And added some Spicy Tofu thingy's that were delish but I just know they were made with oil...freaked a bit but I don't think I even ate a fourth of 'em all, I don't think it was so bad. And according to the scale this morning, it wasn't. Not even the Plum Wine (which if you haven't got the 411 is delishus, do try!) that I had with dinner or the sake shot thingy (notsoyum)...or the glass of Pear Cider (Mmmmm...Cider...) that I had later at some bar were so bad!
(y'day: 123.5, t'day: 123)
And thank heavens for that(!) cuz TheElectrician has these uber strong hands and gives amazing messages and I said, "all I want for my birthday is a message and a haircut!"
Well, I didn't tell him that directly, I was retelling what I told my mom when she asked me what I wanted for my birthday...whatever, it just went okay, go with it. So, he said he could take care of that and I was like word? Let's do this ish!
(Okay, just kidding, I don't really talk like.)
We basically set an appointment for today at 11, an hour message! FREE MESSAGE!! Woop! Woop!
And then this morning I was like, "Ah Fok" (in my head) cuz I was like Whoa! Whoa! I'm a FAT ASS! I was getting uncomfortable last night when we were making out and he was all touchin' me and I was thinking Good Sir, would you be so kind as to move to less fat area. Kthanx. (Making out in a car just sux when you sit a have fat rolls. CanIgetA AyMen to that?!)
And then my self-consciousism started running rampid!
- My house is a mess! What if he thinks I'm a pig.
- What if he wants to see my room?! Ack! Clean it! (I'm really self-conscious about my room cuz it's so different and notsomuch the norm and also unfinished~Gold walls, Black ceiling w/black baseboards and trim? Yeah. Different.) (I do love it tho cuz it's mine and I know where I want to go with it...) I digress.
- I'M FAT!
- Where do we do this message thing at?
- Do I have to get naked like at a message place? He said something about oils...
Virgo? Yes. VirgIN? No. Why am I acting like such a virgin around him? Like I'm afraid to have sex? Okay, I am. Yup. Self conscious bout that too. What if I'm not good? He's gonna see my body, I'm not skinny yet! What if I'm not into it? What if I'm bad?
It just doesn't stop! My mind SUX! You see?! You see all this negativity that's just lurkin in the shadows waiting to jump out and neg me back to solitary confinement?! To loneliness?! Every time things in my life start turning up. Everytime that I start get a little closer to people (I'm talking in general now) this is what my mind does to me. It's so aggravating! And it must STOP! (In the naaaame of Luuuuuuv before you break my heaaaaart. Think it O-o-verrrrr...)
Oh sorry. Don't you wish life were like a musical and you could just burst out into song and dance whenever the feeling hit you? Hmmm...people would probably never get an unsung word out of me, I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe good for me, who doesn't LOVE singing and dancing! Not me. (Even tho that wasn't a question) And Bad for others, I have a terrible voice, on the other hand some might find it pretty amusing, no?
I digress. (Again! Like always! I do this in life too which is the bad part! Off on my little pointless tangents...oh wait.)
TheElectrician! Right. SO he came over and a make out sesh follow an Fabulous rub-down/message IN MY ROOM (which he loved! Despite my make-shift electical faux pas...) And everything was all fine and dandy. He kept complimenting the look today which is totally casual "this ole thing" simple and minimal (w/intentionally and w/effort, of course!). AND I got a bit self-conscious (shirtless) but relaxed (Magical Hands) and then making out (shirt on) the whole touchy feely wasn't so bad cuz um, the bed is MUCH better for the body! He can put his hands around my waist, feel ribs and hip bones...I need more and less of-the other (*shudder*). He, "can't get enough of me" and "can't stop kissing those lips" which are direct quotes and not the first time he's said...
Conclusion? The mind. The mind is an asshole.